miyagimagic: (Default)
daniel larusso ([personal profile] miyagimagic) wrote in [community profile] deercountry2023-02-06 07:48 pm

(closed) february catchall

Who: Ange ([personal profile] entreats), Chizuru ([personal profile] tealeafs), Daniel ([personal profile] miyagimagic) and various others.
What: February shenanigans.
When: During all of February.
Where: Locations vary.

Content Warnings: Nothing right now, specific warnings will be in headers when they come up.

( starters in the comments! if you want to plot anything with me, feel free to either pm the journal or contact me at [plurk.com profile] queeningsquare, i'm always open to new ideas and threads! )
possessum: (and this is what they sang)

[personal profile] possessum 2023-02-13 12:37 am (UTC)(link)
( Confrontation is kind of Peter's worst nightmare, as painfully conflict-avoidant as he is. (Unhealthily so, to the point he goes out of his way to stop an argument before it could ever start, telling people what they need to hear, or making himself smaller so others can be bigger and don't perceive him as A Problem. In the household he grew up in, you had to learn techniques like that. You had to.)

But sometimes, confrontation happens and you don't end up feeling like you want to disappear forever. Sometimes, you don't lose someone who's become precious to you. Peter's tired but not exhausted, not the way he usually is, and he's ultimately glad this all happened, because Robby's certainly someone who's become precious to him. He packs up his bag and shrugs into his coat, ready to head back, when Daniel approaches him and asks to talk.

It does cause a little flutter to dance up under his ribcage, and Peter's definitely looking a bit nervous, but Daniel clearly thought ahead with that, because adding the "it's nothing bad, I promise" does ease some of that kneejerk anxiety. Peter fiddles with the strap of his bag, gives a nod.
)

Oh, sure— yeah, no problem. ( He moves back from the door, towards Daniel. He's definitely a little awkward with it, looking like he doesn't know where to go and just kind of glancing from side to side. Peter.... relax... )
possessum: (ever with us)

[personal profile] possessum 2023-02-17 02:52 am (UTC)(link)
( Daniel has never been anything but nice to Peter, but there will probably always be that odd little reaction to something like this. A sort of feeling that he's in trouble, did something wrong. It's not that he thinks the guy would raise his voice or snap at him, but it's as though his body has its own will, its own thoughts. The way it tenses, its breathing just the slightest bit shallow.

And... really, he does have reason to be angry at Peter. It's obviously clear that he and Robby are very close, and Daniel would be justified in getting upset about things. Peter doesn't expect him to be mean, but maybe he needs to be upset. The thought is distressing, makes him nervous, but he's still staying where he is, tongue running across his lower lip briefly, just an anxious little habit when his mouth feels a bit too dry. He's waiting, eyes a little bit wide at the way Daniel hesitates, like he's not sure how to start.

Then it comes, and Peter's.... startled, blinking. Daniel's not getting onto him but rather... checking on him?

Again, it really shouldn't be surprising, considering how the older man has always been towards him. He'd literally come to his house a few months ago to check on him, bring him food and tea and the karate gi that Peter definitely didn't think he deserved. But he's still surprised all the same, just staring at him for a few moments, before he gives a soft movement of his head.
)

Not.... not really. I um. I sort of... tried not to think about it too much.

( There's... a lot more to it, but it's so complicated and.... well, there's so much to it that's not exactly how Daniel thinks. Like the whole Corruption thing.... Peter lifts a hand to his mouth, teeth nervously nipping softly at a nail. Daniel hasn't pushed him against any wall, not at all, but Peter behaves that way regardless. Like some trapped animal, cornered. )

....It's all kind of... There's more to it than what people think. ( He'd told Robby just now, but... Robby knew about the demon already. Daniel doesn't. And Peter doesn't know what to say, doesn't want to tell him some complete lie, but... how? How does he respond?

When he does, it's soft and a little miserable, like he's forcing the words out. Mostly subconsciously, he's taking a step back.
)

If people knew the whole truth, they'd... be afraid of me. Even when I'm not Corrupted.
possessum: (we are bound by chains)

[personal profile] possessum 2023-02-25 10:25 pm (UTC)(link)
( Peter stands there looking stricken, staring down at the floor for a few moments as he absorbs everything that Daniel's said. Admittedly, the thought to..... tell him some things... it's been there in Peter. In fact, he thinks it's probably inevitable — it always is, whenever it comes to somebody that he spends a lot of time around. His teachers back at the high school in Deerington found out, and most of them had to... help him with things, during the demon's freakouts. A few of his teachers even made arrangements for it, special areas of the classroom or things to distract and calm Paimon down with. They knew what warning signs to look out for, and if they needed to clear the classroom of the other students, keep people safe.

He's been slowly telling more people over time here, too. It's become a necessity, and..... yeah, Daniel should know. He should. As someone who teaches Peter, as someone who's... responsible for other kids. He should know if one of his students is some dangerous, unpredictable thing.

But it's not easy, and Peter's heart is continuing to give uncomfortable, rapid flutters in his chest. He swallows, eyes glancing up to dart to the side. It might look like he's really going to try making a run for it..... but then he sighs.
)

I wasn't... Corrupted. When Johnny got— ( His own words catch in his throat, and his head gives an odd little shake, like he can't say it. ) ....Luna was, but not me. I was something... else.

( He pauses, looking miserably back up to Daniel. )

Um. It was— I was possessed. By something...... something that's in me all the time. It took over me, to protect her, and— ( The words come out barely above a whisper. ) —I don't remember anything it did. I never do.
possessum: (you and i staying up nights on the futon)

[personal profile] possessum 2023-02-28 06:47 pm (UTC)(link)
( Peter never knows how people might react. Though, weirdly.... the majority of people who've either found out about this on their own or who he's opened up to about it.... don't see it as that extreme. Most people seem to come from worlds that have a variety of supernatural occurrences and creatures. Some are even familiar with demons or even possessions already.

But there's still some who... aren't. People who grew up in worlds that didn't involve spooky things that come out at night and things with ancient names chanted in flickering candlelight. And as someone who grew up in a world he thought was ""normal""... Peter relates more to those people. Robby, Daniel: Peter feels aligned with them in some way.

It feels almost like some... betrayal, to people like that especially. Like he's been pretending to be something he's not. He's not able to meet Daniel's eyes, looking pointedly at the floor, feeling sick. When the other finally speaks, Peter's quiet, listening, tense. There's no hint of fear or aversion or even disbelief in the man's tone. Just... asking more about it.

It's that lack of an immediate negative reaction and the sincerity that has Peter finally looking up again, to see the clear concern in the older man's eyes. Even now, it catches him off-guard and he swallows, like there's something lodged in his throat, manages a nod in response.
)

There was this cult. They... planned everything. It was all planned. ( It sounds insane to be voicing aloud. His eyes go wide again, a little strange. ) Back in November, when I was... in that cocoon. I saw what happened. I saw them... giving me to him. My body.

....I know it sounds.... crazy. I used to think I was just going crazy. But it's... real. He's real. ( His voice splits a little, like a piece of wood fracturing. And he's wringing his hands, a habit he's picked up from Luna in her moments of upset. Peter's horrifically aware that he probably does look insane, unhinged, right? Standing here talking about demonic possession and losing himself. And being seen like that — crazy — it's a strange fear. One that goes way down deep, one inherited from his mother. Unlike her, it doesn't make him angry. But there's the edge of panic there in his wide gaze as he repeats the words, so tense he feels like a wire about to snap. )

I know it sounds crazy.
possessum: (we are bound by chains)

[personal profile] possessum 2023-03-13 04:18 pm (UTC)(link)
( Later, Peter will realise how fucked-up it feels that he was here desperately wanting Daniel to think that the demon was real, when he's usually spending so much time hoping nobody ever finds out. But even worse, even scarier, than people finding out about the demon.... is people thinking he's crazy. That's the thing. The uncomfortable, horrible thing. He doesn't want to be looked at the way people looked at his mom, his grandmother. That's what he fears, most of all.

And here he is now, feeling like he's going to snap — not in anger, just... upset. His breathing's too shallow, his body a little numb. It's close to how panic always feels in him, and he wants to hide again, feels an awful pinch of doubt in the way he's handling this. He's acting too weird, said everything too quickly, he should've.... done this differently. He's not good at this, he's ruined it

There's a hand at his shoulder. And then, moments later, another. Peter does look at the man, wide-eyed and breathing a little weird, staring. Two points of pressure on either side, like buffers. Grounding him, holding on. Peter sees him. Hears him.

it does sound crazy
but I believe you


The words startle him. He blinks, looking confused for a moment. And suddenly he's brought back to an odd moment, a memory, one he doesn't want to think about at all but it's there. A night when his mother woke him and his dad up, voice loud and stretched taut, pleading, desperate with them. To take part in something — a séance to contact his dead little sister — it'd seemed... crazy. Absolutely crazy. His dad said so. Wouldn't listen.

Peter did, and looking back he's not sure if he complied so easily because he truly believed his mom in that frenzied moment, or if he just needed to.... give in to her. Calm her down, or try to make her happy. Fueled by his guilt, aching for her to forgive him, knowing she never could.

The kneejerk response in him is that it seems like it can't possibly be true, that someone could think a thing sounds crazy but they believe the person saying it, anyway. But here's Daniel, and he doesn't... look like he's just trying to calm Peter down, or tell him what he needs to hear. Peter's still staring, giving soft, hushed gasps under his breath, before he cuts them off with a swallow.
)

Sorry. I'm sorry. It's.... I still don't know what the hell I'm— how to tell people. ( His eyes sweep down again, but he doesn't move away from the man, voice softening. ) Robby knows about it. He... met him, awhile back. He's been helping me with it.

( And with that confession comes the realisation that the other boy didn't tell his secret. Kept it to himself all this time, safe. A fresh wave of guilt washes over Peter for the bullshit that Robby's had to deal with because of him, and the demon, and he winces again. )

There's a lot about it I still don't... understand. Shit like that wasn't supposed to happen, wasn't supposed to be... real. You know? Demons? That's— that's horror movies, what kids dress up like for Halloween. But then I came here and realised.... shit like that's real for so many people. So many worlds. My whole life I just didn't know it was in mine, too.

And it's— he's stronger here. This place, the... energy, magic, whatever you call it, it's making him stronger. Half the time, I'm... not even me.
possessum: (𝟎𝟕𝟓)

[personal profile] possessum 2023-03-18 08:15 pm (UTC)(link)
( Robby's a safe space, even after the recent bump, and one that maybe it'll still take some time to smooth out from — but he's the first person Peter's met who comes from a world that isn't anything like this one and who found out about the demon and still wants to be his fucking friend. Even the way Peter says it, that the other boy's "helping" him with it, doesn't quite convey enough what Robby's been doing for him. Meetups with Luna to discuss the whole situation, getting involved like that... even getting to know Paimon. Trying to meet this situation how it is, trying to help Peter stay Peter.

Speaking to the other's involvement would, should, be worrisome though, and even if Daniel doesn't vocalise those internal worries, Peter feels some of them, maybe forged up from within himself. It all feels like another confession, that Robby's a part of this, and he can't quite swallow down an odd guilt every time someone gets involved.

He'll come back to it — to Robby — but for now, Peter's just desperately hanging onto any response Daniel gives him that isn't outright fear or horror or aversion. It is a quick dose of relief to hear that the man hasn't had any reason to suspect any.... supernatural activity coming from him. Peter's painfully aware he gets very strange, sometimes, but he mostly only sees Daniel during training, and so far Paimon hasn't really seemed to have any reason to come out, then. And when Peter's at practice, he's concentrating, mind focused, part of something more than himself. It helps keep him from the odd effects of possession: the zoning out, the fugue-like confusion. ...The tongue-clucks.

So he's giving a little nod as Daniel asks that question, teeth worrying his lower lip hard enough to make it turn bright red for a moment, before he replies. Even if it hasn't happened yet, he's... worried it might.
)

It— there's a lot of things that can make him come out. Sometimes if there's something around he's interested in, or.... doesn't like.

( Like..............Johnny )

Sometimes because of this place, the way it... affects people. ( Another wince, sharp. He's achingly aware that he shouldn't be around people. Right? He shouldn't. Shouldn't have joined Miyagi-do in the first place. What must he seem like? To know about this dangerous fucking thing and join something where there are other people? )

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to— I know I should've told you before. Told everyone. But I.... I thought it could help, being there, working on my mind. Maybe it'd help calm him down. And I think it has, but....

( The fact remains that Peter should've fucking told Daniel before. Warned him. Given him the opportunity to deny having a student that could hurt people, before there was a chance for that to happen. (Little does he know... Daniel has a few Supernaturally Dangerous Students in his brood! Oh no!) )

Shit. I'm sorry. ( Peter reaches up to run a hand over his face, and keeps it there for a moment before lowering it with a shuddery exhale. )
possessum: (shoulders all blazing with light)

[personal profile] possessum 2023-03-25 04:49 pm (UTC)(link)
( Peter doesn't resist the lead to the kitchen at all, shuffling along almost comically obediently after Daniel, head hanging a little bit like he's an oversized child who's dreading a walk up to the principal's office... Not that Daniel's made him feel like he's in trouble by any means, but he just.... can't stop the waves of gloom that keep crashing down on his own head. The more he's voiced everything, the more he's made it real, and it all sounds so... horrible and all-encompassing and hopeless.

Somewhere in him is the thought that it's an ending, too. It must be — certainly an ending of his Miyagi-do membership, but maybe also other things. The ending of a budding relationship with the man. He might not even want Peter hanging around Robby anymore. And maybe these thoughts are a little severe, might seem dramatic or kneejerk, but Peter can't help seeing it that way. Always, the worst, the worst. And really, who could be okay with him being around....? Sure, even Robby decided to keep him as a friend even after finding out about Paimon, but.... it's not the typical outcome, right...? People should be running as far away from him as they possibly can.

Peter sits down, eyes finding the little puppy Omen for a moment, but not even the presence of a dog (or dog-like thing) can make him feel better...... He's staring down at the tabletop with so much gloom it's practically palpable.

And once again, Daniel's words catch him completely by surprise. Peter's pausing, brows knit, confused, stunned, slowly looking up. Daniel's talking like nothing too bad's happened, like he's still going to be a part of the team, even that he'll worry about the safety of everyone.... Peter's mouth parts as he stares at him.

It really isn't often that Peter does lean on an adult, someone older. It's... a concept he still struggles with, even actively flinches back from. He's learned, over time in Deerington and this place, how to a bit more — there are people like K, adults he knows are Safe, can come to with questions or when he needs help — but... it's still such a foreign concept, down at the core.

Being directly told that Daniel is not only there for him, but wants to be there for him, is...... It stuns him. Peter's just staring, staring, and then....

He suddenly lowers his head, arms crossing on the table, face hiding in them. He knows it makes him look, seem, so small, so pathetic and stupid and small, but he couldn't possibly hold himself back.

....Daniel might hear a wet sniffle because, yes, Peter is crying. ....It's not anything new for him. He may physically be the oldest student, but emotionally.....

It's not sobbing, at least, just... quiet crying.
)

Sorry— fuck, I'm sorry. ( Comes the muffled voice, dripping with apology. He knows this is a lot, to dump so much on someone, and now he's crying.... He's a fucking basketcase and it's stupid and awful and he hates himself for it. All it takes is someone being nice to him and Peter's crumbling to pieces.

...But Daniel's doing so much more for him than just being nice. He's... not only accepting all this demon shit, but saying it's okay, that Peter's still a part of things, that he can come to him for help... The guy really barely knows him at all, all things considered, and he's saying things like that..... He's always been so nice, hasn't he? From the very beginning. And Robby always seemed comfortable around him; Peter couldn't help but feel that way, too. But he's... maybe he's being too nice, maybe he doesn't fucking deserve this. Does he? It's not fair for him, to be put in a situation like this.

Peter's shaking his head, slowly, keeping his face hidden.
)

You're a really nice guy, but you don't have to— like it's okay, if you don't want me to come over and stuff. Like I get it. I've got some weird demon, I'm a.... a freak of nature. It's okay, you don't... have to be nice to me.
possessum: (exit light enter night)

I'M SORRY FOR THE NOVELS OF INTROSPECTION, oh my god.............

[personal profile] possessum 2023-04-05 06:53 pm (UTC)(link)
( There's a huge part of Peter that's definitely projecting that constant insecurity that he shouldn't be around people and that people justifiably shouldn't want him around. But it just seems like that's how it should be, right? Why would people be okay with him? He's possessed by an entire fucking demon. That's— horrible, disgusting, weird, scary. Right? Even with Luna, it's been... hard to truly accept that she's okay with him, comfortable with him. It's been a persistent struggle, one that he's even now still dealing with in certain ways. And he couldn't blame anyone; of course he couldn't. It's more wild to think that anyone could really be okay around him.

And sure, most people around here come from worlds that do involve supernatural stuff, and things like demons maybe aren't even that big a deal, but even around those friends, it's... hard for Peter to sincerely think deep down that they’re okay with him at the core. There has to be some part of people that fears him, or at the very least feels uneasy.... but Peter's maybe tried to just swallow down those insecurities around those friends, because he knows it's got to be irritating to keep hearing about it when they've known other equally bizarre things. People who've been through some supernatural war, or... have been cursed or something; hell, often times they've been possessed, too.

Which is maybe why those insecurities are rushing out around someone who doesn't come from a world that has such things in it. Weird as it may seem, all of this is maybe needed, in Peter. He needs to express how insecure he is. Needs to make it... known. And like with Robby, it's... a really, really big deal that someone like Daniel accepts him.

And maybe it's hard for Peter to accept that so easily in return, his mind responding in the kneejerk — giving the poor guy allowance, permission, to not be so nice to him. If Daniel wants him gone, to stop coming to practice, to stop coming over here at all, even to stop seeing Robby — all of those things are warranted. That upset, combined with the emotions of the incident with Robby, with disappointing and hurting one of the best friends he's ever made all on his own..... Peter's kind of an emotional mess.

He's pausing when Daniel calls his name, head still lowered, but it's clear he's listening — going very still and silent.

That's.... true. Everything Daniel's saying is true, Peter knows that. It may not be literal demons but there's also the metaphorical ones, god he knows that, and he's certainly gotten to know some of Robby's in a few talks here and there; he's sure things run even more deeply than what the other boy exposed then. Mob, the others— they're a hodgepodge of oddities, whether it's supernatural-inflicted or not. Even Daniel..... Peter's seen glimpses of what the man's faced, too. Spoke with his younger self, learned some of those dark, upsetting parts, and even then he's sure there's more to it; there always is.

'—bad stuff keeps happening to you and it makes you wonder if there's something about you that deserves it.'

Oh. Sometimes somebody says something the exact way that you've felt for your entire life, and it hits like a brick. Realising how many other people might also feel that way.

Peter's slowly, finally, looking up. He's not in complete pieces, the crying has been soft and quiet, the result of too much flooding up and spilling out a little. He's mostly composed, able to sniffle wetly and keep himself calm, reaching up to wipe beneath his eyes with a finger, one and then the other.

He does get the overarching thing of what Daniel's saying. He does. It's the same way that some of his friends have tried to frame his situation, and especially Luna — treating his... possession like it's a condition, like other things might be. Other things that people live with, those inhuman powers or human aches and pains and traumas, the things that give you nightmares even years after something happened, the reasons you might have odd behaviours or quirks or certain little fears that no one else can understand. Peter's been trying to perceive himself that way too, over time. It's hard, hard not to see himself as some complete Other, but he's been trying.

This is a reminder, a reiteration of it, and coming from somebody who really doesn't have any reason to care to keep him around except out of the goodness of their heart. Somebody who clearly just.... gives a shit about that hodgepodge little group of young people. Peter's staring, clearly affected by all of the older man's words, swallowing hard against that tight lump in his throat.
)

I do want to. I... like it there. Not just... because it helps with him, but— I like it. For me.

( He's making friends, he feels comfortable there.... There's Robby, and even if things are weird right now, Peter wants to stay with him. He's forming a little bond with Mob, and— getting to know the others better. He likes it at the dojo. It's.... something for him. A hobby, an activity, he chose to do, and in this weird fucking world, and in his weird fucking situation, genuine choices are a precious rarity. He likes being around Daniel, too, likes learning from someone who's kind and funny and patient with him. )

I can— I promise I'll try, to keep him..... safe. Keep others safe around him, I mean. Izuku already knows, too — he's... been really nice about it.

And he's not.... evil, not the way I thought demons were. He's— if it seems like he's doing bad or something, I can... stay home that day. I won't come.

( He wipes his face with the back of his shirt sleeve this time, nodding quickly. There's probably a lot more to say about.... attending Daniel's classes while harbouring a demon, certain safety measures to be gone over, but he's only able to think of a few surface ones right now. ...The thing that sticks is that it's okay if he keeps coming. He's allowed to. And... he doesn't want to fuck that up. He wants to try to manage this. )
possessum: (we are bound by chains)

[personal profile] possessum 2023-04-09 06:14 pm (UTC)(link)
( It's an existence he's still learning how to navigate. Having a life while also having something like this inside of him. His relationship with Luna has helped immensely, co-existing in the same household with someone, learning how to deal with those ups and downs. It's safe there, and with her, and Peter's been keeping mostly isolated to that safety for... years, now.

So this... joining a team, being around other people, it's new in this regard, too. But it all falls back to the same.... things. The ways he has to handle it around Luna. On those bad days, those days when Paimon's a bit more aggressive or unsettled, Peter keeps a bit of a distance from her. He might not get too physically close, might try to stay in his room and watch a relaxing movie or listen to calming music. It's like that with his other friends too, and... at the dojo, he'll also need to be aware of it. Take a certain responsibility.

It's all still a bit scary to think about, and he's still unsure how okay with him Daniel might be if he ... does encounter Paimon for himself. But Peter is tired, and still sore from other weights, and the simple (not so simple though, not really) fact that Daniel has accepted him on this level of letting him stay a member of the team.... the fact he willingly reaches to touch Peter, offering that gentle pat of reassurance. The younger is swallowing again, and then giving a little nod. He's not crying anymore, any residue of wet on his face starting to dry, and not replaced by any fresh tears. He feels calmer.
)

Thank you.

( Said quiet and soft, and Peter's slowly looking back up at Daniel. His teacher... Mister Miyagi, Peter hasn't forgotten his name. Or the way that younger version of Daniel spoke about him. How sincere he was, how... important it was to him. The role the man played in his life, when the little boy had lost his father, was dealing with the struggles of so much, the bullying.... Thinking back on it now makes Peter's heart hurt. No, he may not know Daniel all that well, or for that long, but.... he'd like to keep this person he's made a connection with. And show him the same kind of kindness that Daniel's given to him. )

Okay. ( It's said softly, but there's a sincerity, another nod, Peter finally managing a little smile. )

I do like karate, ( he adds, wanting Daniel to... know. What it means to him. ) Your type of karate, it's... it's really nice. I've tried a lot of types of.... meditation, to help with things, but... it's hard for me to do it. It's easier at your dojo. When I come home, I feel... relaxed. And like maybe I'm a little stronger.

( He's... still not so capable with the physical aspects, but it's something he can still do. It doesn't feel like he's lacking, like he's stupid or useless or unwanted. Everyone's kind, all the other students help him, Robby's there— he likes it. He wants to stay. )

It used to scare me a lot... karate. Because of... ( He doesn't say the name, doesn't directly mention Johnny, not now. ) ...because I saw a lot of people getting into fights and stuff about it, here. ( And the fact Johnny kidnapped him and had one of his students beat him up...... but he doesn't mention that. (Although of all people, Daniel would probably understand that....) ) But.... I'm not scared of it anymore, I think. Because of you.