She tilts her head.

"Two people very important people to me went back into the ocean," she said softly. "And waking up every day knowing they aren't here... I keep going but that doesn't change how deeply I miss them... all of them. Every person who I've come close to and loved who went back into the ocean. And I'm scared I'll be left all alone again."

"No... it isn't... but I don't regret it, for as much pain as I'm in, for as much as the weight I'm carrying only gets heavier and greater the more people I love... it just means I loved them fully. You don't miss the people you never knew." She took a deep breath, pressing a hand to her chest.

"But it does not make the weight any less."

"How easy that sounds," she hissed, looking at the flowers.

"Just give up grief! Don't be sad anymore! See! Smile!" she forces a big, massive smile and then scowls, but then takes a deep breath. She shouldn't be taking her anger out on Anakin.

"If it were even close to that easy, you wouldn't have to be taught it, you just would do it." This wasn't easy. It wasn't MEANT to be because it was life. Easy was holing herself up and never getting close to anyone again. She rubs her eyes.

"I'm not going to be any decent amount of company, and I don't want to burden you with my grief."

She lets out a breath and takes another deep one.

"I'm sorry... Honestly... I..." she rubs her face and lets out another breath. "You don't have to stay, I won't say no to company, I'm not good at being alone..."

She contemplated for a long time just saying nothing. But then, Anakin was a relative stranger in a lot of ways. He didn't know who all her friends were, who all her loved ones were, he knew nothing about her backstory. She could say things and just listen rather than connect the dots to all the people she loved.

Because she couldn't say this to her loved ones, the thoughts were there, but she knew how much these thoughts would upset them. It wasn't that they weren't enough, it was that she wasn't always strong enough. This place... it was too much sometimes.

"I've lost a lot a people I love recently... and it's hard not to think about following them, ya know? I know they would want me to keep going. I already know that before being told it. But the people I love... I chose this place for them. So why stay if they keep leaving?" Just like in the battle with Galaxia, if every single one of her loved ones was dead, why keep going in an endless war? If she was left here in Trench all alone...

But there were still loved ones here, but she wondered if they were remaining for her like she remained for them? Did they also want to go home and just didn't voice it?

"This isn't home for me. I make do... but I really... it's hard to ever think of this place as home, and I'm not sure I can."

"I think the part I hate most... is that I hate myself for choosing it," she whispered, bringing her hands up to her mouth, and closing her eyes.

"I know I can go back, but some part of me wonders if I shouldn't have even chosen this, to begin with and I hate myself for thinking that, because there were so many I loved here as well."

But now... the number keeps dwindling more and more. If there is no one left who she loves that deeply...

"I know loss is a part of life, I know I will lose people all the time. But I keep-" her breath suddenly hitches and her eyes burn. "I hate being left behind. I'm not strong enough to just keep going alone."