[ Ortus nods, accepting the suggested alteration. Difficulty is a state that may be navigated. Difficulty is a state he is familiar with, but never without unhappiness inextricably coupled to it, and he wonders at their separation. It is exactly the sort of wondering that has him here, still adjusting to the taste of apples. ]
I have never taken on the burden of responsibility before. [ He says it with only wistfulness, not quite shame, a clear-eyed self-comprehension that is for once, not tinged in reproach. ] When people spoke or wrote of it as a privilege, I did not understand, for all I saw was how it might break those who bore it.
But I see you, and Viktor, and others like you both, and I believe I begin to understand. To care for others, to act in service of their needs...to contribute, wherever you may be, however you can. Perhaps that is part of what it is to make meaning for oneself.
[ He smiles, slightly, but not so slightly as he usually does. With light self-deprecation, given his only just spoken musings: ]
If you ever require something heavy moved on your behalf, may I offer myself to be called on to do so, if no others are at hand?
I will always accept heavy lifting as an act of friendship.
[As a necromancer and overall stickbug, of course. Sure, the darkbood powerset allows him to manipulate gravity sometimes, but then Viktor makes faces about unnecessary bloodletting, which is a point? So: yes.
And, hm.]
I doubt responsibility feels like a privilege when it's assigned, and not claimed. Not that wanting something makes you immune to breaking, but, you know.
[It does help.]
Viktor likes to pretend he's a crochety recluse, but one of the very first things he ever told me he dreamed of inventing was public water filtration. [That softy, good god, he's going to wife guy all over the place, ahem-] But don't get me wrong— it's not all contributions to the common welfare, and so on. You get weekends off for personal hobbies.
Evidently, assisting in such activities is of great benefit to my ‘gains’.
[ Ortus does not air quote. One as skilled as he is in the art of articulation need not do so in order to convey a delicate apprehension of the concept. He does wave his hand lightly, with a tinge of embarrassment, at the distinction between assigned and claimed. ]
I believe that perhaps a responsibility may be what you make of it.
[ But still. When he considers it, he has both: his duty to Harrowhark, assigned to him at her birth, and his duty to Gideon, claimed by him here, in the wake of all that had happened to her. He has found strength in both of them beyond what he could have once imagined.
Viktor is, as ever, a diverting and pleasant topic. Ortus smiles at the public water filtration, thinking of a gangly boy and his little boat, his immediate desire to be of help to another lonely creature. Crotchety, indeed. ]
I am not surprised. He is over modest, I think.
And did you know there is a ballad about the weekend? It is what everyone is working for, according to the singer. It is a time of romance, and also dancing. I am relieved to hear it may be used for other activities.
[Admittedly, 'weekends off' is not a concept he's indulged in before this place, but he can almost see why someone would write a ballad about it, if they perhaps didn't enjoy their job...? Or only had romance and dancing a mere twice a week, which is just pitiable.]
Well, let me know when you have some weekend activities planned that go better with friends; we'll make the time. Viktor, too.
[How pleasantly ordinary, to make plans that don't involve urgency or violence or danger. Maybe he'll learn a few more apple carving shapes for next time, purely to celebrate the existence of next times.
[ Ortus sighs. It is the closest to a return to form he's come for the course of the conversation, a long-suffering release of held back feeling poured out as artistically as a Third House tea ceremony. He has been welcomed to this dojo. That does not mean he has not also developed opinions. ]
The concept seems related to the development of musculature and physical skill. According to the Sensei Lawrence and Gideon, however, it also entails what I can only assume are ritualistic invocations of a sort of primitive attraction based superstition.
[ He picks up another skull apple and takes a more assertive bite, distracted by a montage of haunting images and refrains as he looks into the middle distance. ]
When I asked if these rituals had ever proven efficacious, I was assured that it had, and yet despite both the Sensei and Gideon engaging in 'curls for the girls' on a near daily basis, I have not noticed an increase in the number of girls in the vicinity, although Gideon assures me that I have only just missed them on multiple occasions.
To abbreviate several discussions - apparently it is the 'cooler' way to describe my attempt to become more proficient in the martial aspect of my duties, and I am grateful that the other promised benefits do not show signs of manifesting in reality.
[ He cares deeply for Gideon, but if he had to fill out a secret ballot specifying whether or not he believed her claims of being 'neck deep in babes', he would regretfully have to mark an X in the tally box next to doubt. ]
As a related matter - do not allow them to offer you food in return, Palamedes. Their ideas of what is a wholesome diet supportive of a healthy body are, frankly, disturbing.
[ 'Palamedes', not 'Warden', a bridge crossed without him quite realizing. ]
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no subject
[ Ortus nods, accepting the suggested alteration. Difficulty is a state that may be navigated. Difficulty is a state he is familiar with, but never without unhappiness inextricably coupled to it, and he wonders at their separation. It is exactly the sort of wondering that has him here, still adjusting to the taste of apples. ]
I have never taken on the burden of responsibility before. [ He says it with only wistfulness, not quite shame, a clear-eyed self-comprehension that is for once, not tinged in reproach. ] When people spoke or wrote of it as a privilege, I did not understand, for all I saw was how it might break those who bore it.
But I see you, and Viktor, and others like you both, and I believe I begin to understand. To care for others, to act in service of their needs...to contribute, wherever you may be, however you can. Perhaps that is part of what it is to make meaning for oneself.
[ He smiles, slightly, but not so slightly as he usually does. With light self-deprecation, given his only just spoken musings: ]
If you ever require something heavy moved on your behalf, may I offer myself to be called on to do so, if no others are at hand?
no subject
[As a necromancer and overall stickbug, of course. Sure, the darkbood powerset allows him to manipulate gravity sometimes, but then Viktor makes faces about unnecessary bloodletting, which is a point? So: yes.
And, hm.]
I doubt responsibility feels like a privilege when it's assigned, and not claimed. Not that wanting something makes you immune to breaking, but, you know.
[It does help.]
Viktor likes to pretend he's a crochety recluse, but one of the very first things he ever told me he dreamed of inventing was public water filtration. [That softy, good god, he's going to wife guy all over the place, ahem-] But don't get me wrong— it's not all contributions to the common welfare, and so on. You get weekends off for personal hobbies.
[It's advice, but it's also a joke.]
no subject
[ Ortus does not air quote. One as skilled as he is in the art of articulation need not do so in order to convey a delicate apprehension of the concept. He does wave his hand lightly, with a tinge of embarrassment, at the distinction between assigned and claimed. ]
I believe that perhaps a responsibility may be what you make of it.
[ But still. When he considers it, he has both: his duty to Harrowhark, assigned to him at her birth, and his duty to Gideon, claimed by him here, in the wake of all that had happened to her. He has found strength in both of them beyond what he could have once imagined.
Viktor is, as ever, a diverting and pleasant topic. Ortus smiles at the public water filtration, thinking of a gangly boy and his little boat, his immediate desire to be of help to another lonely creature. Crotchety, indeed. ]
I am not surprised. He is over modest, I think.
And did you know there is a ballad about the weekend? It is what everyone is working for, according to the singer. It is a time of romance, and also dancing. I am relieved to hear it may be used for other activities.
no subject
[Admittedly, 'weekends off' is not a concept he's indulged in before this place, but he can almost see why someone would write a ballad about it, if they perhaps didn't enjoy their job...? Or only had romance and dancing a mere twice a week, which is just pitiable.]
Well, let me know when you have some weekend activities planned that go better with friends; we'll make the time. Viktor, too.
[How pleasantly ordinary, to make plans that don't involve urgency or violence or danger. Maybe he'll learn a few more apple carving shapes for next time, purely to celebrate the existence of next times.
...And.]
I have to ask: what are 'gains,' in this context?
no subject
The concept seems related to the development of musculature and physical skill. According to the Sensei Lawrence and Gideon, however, it also entails what I can only assume are ritualistic invocations of a sort of primitive attraction based superstition.
[ He picks up another skull apple and takes a more assertive bite, distracted by a montage of haunting images and refrains as he looks into the middle distance. ]
When I asked if these rituals had ever proven efficacious, I was assured that it had, and yet despite both the Sensei and Gideon engaging in 'curls for the girls' on a near daily basis, I have not noticed an increase in the number of girls in the vicinity, although Gideon assures me that I have only just missed them on multiple occasions.
To abbreviate several discussions - apparently it is the 'cooler' way to describe my attempt to become more proficient in the martial aspect of my duties, and I am grateful that the other promised benefits do not show signs of manifesting in reality.
[ He cares deeply for Gideon, but if he had to fill out a secret ballot specifying whether or not he believed her claims of being 'neck deep in babes', he would regretfully have to mark an X in the tally box next to doubt. ]
As a related matter - do not allow them to offer you food in return, Palamedes. Their ideas of what is a wholesome diet supportive of a healthy body are, frankly, disturbing.
[ 'Palamedes', not 'Warden', a bridge crossed without him quite realizing. ]