deercountry | [ open - July Catch-All ]

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[ open - July Catch-All ]

Who: Keith, OPEN
What: Being evil, falling in love, worsening corruption, contemplating suicide, getting killed, waking up, facing judgement, feeling lonely... just another day in Trench
When: All through July, specific dates for prompts will be in headers
Where: Various places around Trench

Content Warnings: Death and suicide are the big ones. Feelings of abandonment and self-loathing. Probably all kinds of violence and stuff. Others will be added per thread.

Links to threads will be added as they're made
July 1 - 9: General havoc around town. Violence, crime, anger, growing beasthood, influenced by The Evil
July 10: Death, closed to Lance, Sasuke, possibly Sakura, any other CR who might be involved with finding bodies and helping squids break out of crystal
July 11 - 17: Recovery, TBD (likely closed to close CR, Plot with me?, recovery and squid-time will be in Sasuke's pond...)
Rest of the month: TBD (Plot with me?)

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[He heaves a breath like he's bracing himself to cross a line, break an unspoken rule between them that could change their relationship forever…]

I was gonna say… that if anyone can pull off a mullet, it's you.

[A roundabout way of trying to get across that mullet doesn't necessarily have to be a negative term… /cough. He will never directly admit it, though. At least not any time soon.]

[Keith was kind of stunned into silence for a moment. He stood there, not really sure what to say, blinked a couple of times, and then glanced at Lance.]

Being a squid really rattled your brain, huh?

[Because, really... since when was Lance actually admitting it was okay for him to have his hair long like this? Like... never?]

[His look turns a little sly, despite how tired and rattled he still is after the whole… experience they just had.]

Maybe. Or maybe you're just the right kind of lame to wear it well.

[He's teasing, heavily teasing. Trying to bring the mood up or distract Keith, or… something.]

[Keith seemed to consider that for a moment.]

That would be a double lame, wouldn't it? which means... it's not lame after all. Like a double negative.

[Oh, hey... Keith might be on to something there.]

[Well that isn't a response he expected and he finds himself trying to take it in for a second. Then he lets out a 'pshhh' sound that's half annoyed and half amused as he shoves at Keith's shoulder.]

You wish.

[The moment triggers a memory of Keith shoving him on the beach when he said he'd like to die because he was unstable. And then Reckoning's sword. He sucks in a sharp breath and swallows, looking away to hide whatever awful look is on his face right now. A moment of pause before he clears his throat and asks, tentative and a little hoarse:]

Hey… do you… remember everything?

[Because like many things in his head, it's still a bunch of flashes for him. Ones that give him enough of the gist to have this conversation so far, but he knows there's more lurking underneath that he has only brushed up against. And he's worried about Keith. About what wounds he might not be seeing in Keith that requires those memories to understand.]

Heh. [Keith actually smiled just a bit when Lance pushed him like that, but that faded quickly when Lance reacted to something unseen. He looked at him in concern for a second, having picked up a towel to fold it, though that was dangling forgotten from his hands as he waited to see if Lance was okay.

Nope. He wasn't. And, honestly, Keith wasn't, either. Not with that question, at least.]

Uh-... I um... [He swallowed the sudden lump in his throat and moved to sit on the bench they were near, staring down at the towel in his hands.] I don't... really... know...

[There was enough, he supposed. Some things that maybe he didn't want to remember. Things he might regret. Things he wasn't sure if they'd been a good idea in retrospect.

He pulled the towel taught between his hands, staring at it.]

[A pause, and then Lance gets up to sit down next to him. He shakes his head and laces a hand on Keith's shoulder squeezing a moment before placing his elbows on his knees and leaning forward.]

It's fine, man. We don't have to… dig it all up. [Then he clears his throat and looks over at him again, brows drawn together in concern. He's died many times, this isn't new for him, he can handle it. But Keith hasn't. At least not that he remembers. And dying the first time in Deerington had been hard on him.] But if you need to talk about it… I'm here. Y'know, whenever you're ready.

[That might be a few minutes or that might be a few weeks or months. Or it might be never. And that's okay, and Lance hopes Keith understands that.]

I um... [He nodded. Keith had never been great at words, anyway, but this was definitely harder because of the trauma involved. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.] Yeah. Thanks.

[He closed his eyes.]

I think it's more that... I'm not sure what I remember... Like, what of it was real? I don't know. I remember something.

.....

Do you remember any of it?

[Lance nods in that heavy way one does when they understand something down to their core. Not knowing what's real, missing gaps and pieces… he knows exactly what that's like. At the question turned back at him, he goes very still but otherwise doesn't seem to have an overtly adverse reaction.]

…I got a flash just now when I shoved you. [He shrugs, uncomfortable.] It's hard to make sense of, y'know?

[He swallows and glances over at Keith with a regretful squint.] It'll probably come back more and more. That's usually how it goes.

Yeah. I think we shoved each other back and forth a few times? Maybe.

And we like... flew. Or something.

[He shook his head. He knew he shouldn't try forcing it. That never worked. But part of him really wanted to know.

He looked down at his lap. Just how much he wanted to know and what parts he wanted to know... well, the brain wasn't always kind, and Trench had a way of making things worse. And he stared, kind of in shock, not at his lap, but what he could see in his mind.

The end of The Reckoning's sword, covered in icy blue blood, emerging from his stomach. After a moment, he gasped or choked or something, but he was up on his feet in a panic. He stumbled forward a few steps before collapsing again on the stones of the courtyard. He gasped more, trying to breathe while holding himself barely off the ground with shaking arms.]

[Ah, yeah. With a bit of a jolt, he remembers the flying. That was his fault. He was about to open his mouth to try to explain that part of it, but then Keith Keith was up and panicking. It was so jarring to all of his senses that he froze for a moment, hands raised up and hovering in front of him.]

K-Keith?

[And then he snaps out of the empathic jolt he just got from Keith's emotions slamming him in the face and gets up to go to his side. At first, he doesn't touch him as he comes down to his knees beside him, knowing that when he's having an episode, touch can sometimes make it worse. But it tears at his heart to see Keith shaking and trying to breathe like that, so he carefully places a hand on Keith's back as he speaks to him softly.]

Keith, breathe with me, okay? You're safe.

[He takes measured breaths to help Keith focus on listening to his example.]

[He almost didn't hear Lance at first. He managed to sit up enough to use one hand to try grabbing at the sword, to push it back out his back, but he couldn't grab something that wasn't there. He gasped for air, clutching at where he could see it like that would help.]

The sword... The sword... it's... I have to get it out...

[He shook under Lance's touch.]

[O-oh. The image of the sword sticking out of Keith's chest assault's his mind and threatens to set him off. But he's been in this position so many times before, he's able to feel Keith alive next to him under his hand. And he knows he's stuck in the middle of some kind of hallucination and the only thing Lance can think to do is to pull him into his arms.]

K-Keith, there's no sword. [His voice is hoarse and unsteady and he wraps his arms around his back tight, trying to ground him physically and break his line of sight with what he's seeing.] You're okay now, see?

[On that last question, he moves his hand to take Keith's and place it flat against his own body between them to feel that it's whole. No giant sword poking through, no coldblood m-melting all over the beach.]

[Keith was shaking in Lance's hold, gasping for air.]

It's... It's there... it's... I can't... L-Lance...? [Oh... oh, he was going to get hurt. He was going to be killed, too. Keith tried to push Lance away, but his efforts were weak.] You're... you're in danger... you have to get away...

[Okay, this wasn't working as well as he hoped. Though he has experience with this sort of thing, he has less experience helping someone with this sort of thing. And everyone needs something different. He pulls away from Keith just enough to look in his face and pull his hands up to gently cup his face.]

Keith. [His voice cracks and shakes, but he pushes through. Ignores his own flashes, he's been here before, he can handle it, he's fine. Keith isn't.] Focus, look up… do you trust me?

[Keith gripped Lance's wrists, moving almost to pull his hands away and push Lance out of danger.]

A-... I... Of course... But you have to trust me. You have to get away. You're in danger if you help me.

[He was rushing, talking fast, with a sense of urgency. They couldn't delay or she was going to come for them all over again.]

[Without thinking, he brushes his thumb across Keith's cheekbone as he shakes his head. Then he lets out a bit of a shuddering shush sound to try and get Keith to relax.]

Keith, just slow down and listen. You're safe. All of that already happened. We're in Sasuke's courtyard, remember?

But, but... it's... it's gonna happen... [Lance's words were kind of sinking in a bit, causing Keith to lose some of his steam on this. Mention of the courtyard caused the stones and walls around them to start coming back into focus in his vision.]

We're... we're... the courtyard...? [The tight grip he had on Lance's wrists began to weaken. He squeezed his eyes shut again, clenching his teeth as he tried to focus on something, anything...] The courtyard... we were... we were in the pond?

[Lance nods and continues to hold Keith's face in his hands, but moves himself a bit to the side so he can see more of the courtyard and the pond. His hands are trembling more as he loosens his grip a bit now that Keith seems to be coming out of the flashback.]

Yeah, we were squids. We came back and we're fine.

[Physically anyway. His heart feels like it's going to tear in two after seeing Keith go through a traumatic flash like that. He'd wanted to protect him from this now that he got a reset… it feels cruel that the only positive he saw in him losing his memories is already slipping away. But maybe he can still help. He lets out a shuddered breath and leans in to hug Keith again, weaving his arms under Keith's to loosely wrap around his waist.]

I'm… I'm sorry. That it happened.

[His voice is hoarse and shaky. When he was stalking Keith for whatever reason, he should have seen what was happening and stopped him and then the Reckoning wouldn't have… he heaves a shuddered breath. At the time, his warped mind had thought Keith was killing and hurting people who deserved it because they tried to take Keith from him. It was so messed up, he should've fought through the haze in his head better and been there for him.]

[Keith wasn't even sure what 'fine' meant in this place. Sure, they were alive. They're injuries healed. He had two new scars to show for it on his torso, one front and one back, where the sword had run him through, but he was alive... right? That meant something. Maybe.

Squids. He remembered waking up on the stones, naked, a little clammy, wet from the water. There had been jumping. Lots of it.

He tensed slightly as Lance shifted to hug him. It was nothing more than his usual reaction to an unexpected hug, freezing up on the spot for a second or two before finally relaxing and letting his arms slowly settle around Lance's shoulders in return.]

I'm... sorry, too...

[Because, as his head worked its way back out of that flashback, he was remembering that Lance was in this courtyard, too, and that they had been squids together. Lance had said, "We..." and that left a frustrated ache in Keith's chest somewhere.

Lance had died because Keith couldn't control himself and get out of being possessed. Lance had been a squid, too, and it was Keith's fault.

He rested his forehead against Lance's shoulder.]

[Lance heaves a breath when Keith apologizes but he doesn't say anything right away, shaking his head. In his view, Keith has nothing to apologize for, but he knows he's not going to convince him of that, especially not right now. Though, at the same time it doesn't sit well with him to just let him blame himself silently.]

I got myself involved, that's not on you.

[At the very least he can solidly argue that Keith isn't responsible for Lance getting killed too. The rest, like the people he was hurting and whether or not The Reckoning gave him what he deserved… was more complicated. Lance firmly stood in the camp of 'Keith didn't deserve any of it' but he also knew that it was gonna be harder to get Keith on that page too… maybe even impossible.]

…And I'd do it again.

[He would. There is no reality where he doesn't step in to try and protect Keith no matter how insurmountable the threat.]

.....

[Keith didn't answer right away. He knew it had sort of been Lance's choice to get involved. But, he wouldn't have had to made that choice if Keith had just been better at resisting.

He closed his eyes, feeling like all the energy in his body was just draining into the ground.]

What if... I didn't want you to? What if I wanted you to be safe?

[It's a fair question, because Lance would want the same if their positions were reversed. It's part of why there's so many things he has kept to himself for so many years. From Keith and from Shiro.]

…Standing by and watching you die would hurt me more. [He says with a roughness to his voice and a note of conflict and… guilt. He sucks in a shuddered breath, wetness pricking at the corners of his eyes.] But I would've wanted you to be safe too…

So I dunno, man. There's… just no easy answers here.

[Keith nodded. Yeah. That much was obvious at this point.

He took a deep breath, just trying to get back into his head and move forward. He felt raw and weak, and it was hard even thinking about getting up off the ground again. But, he knew he probably should. So, with great effort, he decided to push himself up off the stones and try to at least get back to the bench.

It took what looked like way more effort than should be needed, but he did get back to his feet. He rubbed his arms, looking off to the side.]

Sorry. [His voice was quiet.] Sorry for making you worry.

[Lance's brows draw together as he watches Keith drag himself up to his feet and then follows his lead. He's braced to help him if he needs it getting back to the bench. And the apology… isn't what he expected, but he honestly isn't surprised either. Immediately, he's shaking his head.]

You don't have anything to be sorry for, man. I… [He rubs at the back of his neck.] I didn't to help you before it got to that point, and I should've. I… I'm sorry, Keith. I'm the one who's been through this over and over and could've stepped in, but… I didn't. I dunno how to explain why, but it doesn't matter. I didn't… protect you from this and I'm- I'm so sorry.

[His voice becomes unsteady as he talks, his eyes wet. There's part of him that wonders if it's fair of him to say all that at all given how responsible Keith feels. And another part that insists it's wholly inadequate. He's inadequate.]

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tempredmental - 2023-01-13 05:05 (UTC) - Expand

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[ open - July Catch-All ]

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cw: blood, sword wounds, hallucinations, flashbacks

cw: blood, sword wounds, hallucinations, flashbacks

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