Keith (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tempredmental) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
deercountry2022-07-15 11:37 pm
tempredmental) wrote in deercountry2022-07-15 11:37 pm
Entry tags:
[ open - July Catch-All ]
Who: Keith, OPEN
What: Being evil, falling in love, worsening corruption, contemplating suicide, getting killed, waking up, facing judgement, feeling lonely... just another day in Trench
When: All through July, specific dates for prompts will be in headers
Where: Various places around Trench
Content Warnings: Death and suicide are the big ones. Feelings of abandonment and self-loathing. Probably all kinds of violence and stuff. Others will be added per thread.
What: Being evil, falling in love, worsening corruption, contemplating suicide, getting killed, waking up, facing judgement, feeling lonely... just another day in Trench
When: All through July, specific dates for prompts will be in headers
Where: Various places around Trench
Content Warnings: Death and suicide are the big ones. Feelings of abandonment and self-loathing. Probably all kinds of violence and stuff. Others will be added per thread.
- Links to threads will be added as they're made
- July 1 - 9: General havoc around town. Violence, crime, anger, growing beasthood, influenced by The Evil
- July 10: Death, closed to Lance, Sasuke, possibly Sakura, any other CR who might be involved with finding bodies and helping squids break out of crystal
- July 11 - 17: Recovery, TBD (likely closed to close CR, Plot with me?, recovery and squid-time will be in Sasuke's pond...)
- Rest of the month: TBD (Plot with me?)
no subject
Squids. He remembered waking up on the stones, naked, a little clammy, wet from the water. There had been jumping. Lots of it.
He tensed slightly as Lance shifted to hug him. It was nothing more than his usual reaction to an unexpected hug, freezing up on the spot for a second or two before finally relaxing and letting his arms slowly settle around Lance's shoulders in return.]
I'm... sorry, too...
[Because, as his head worked its way back out of that flashback, he was remembering that Lance was in this courtyard, too, and that they had been squids together. Lance had said, "We..." and that left a frustrated ache in Keith's chest somewhere.
Lance had died because Keith couldn't control himself and get out of being possessed. Lance had been a squid, too, and it was Keith's fault.
He rested his forehead against Lance's shoulder.]
no subject
I got myself involved, that's not on you.
[At the very least he can solidly argue that Keith isn't responsible for Lance getting killed too. The rest, like the people he was hurting and whether or not The Reckoning gave him what he deserved… was more complicated. Lance firmly stood in the camp of 'Keith didn't deserve any of it' but he also knew that it was gonna be harder to get Keith on that page too… maybe even impossible.]
…And I'd do it again.
[He would. There is no reality where he doesn't step in to try and protect Keith no matter how insurmountable the threat.]
no subject
[Keith didn't answer right away. He knew it had sort of been Lance's choice to get involved. But, he wouldn't have had to made that choice if Keith had just been better at resisting.
He closed his eyes, feeling like all the energy in his body was just draining into the ground.]
What if... I didn't want you to? What if I wanted you to be safe?
no subject
…Standing by and watching you die would hurt me more. [He says with a roughness to his voice and a note of conflict and… guilt. He sucks in a shuddered breath, wetness pricking at the corners of his eyes.] But I would've wanted you to be safe too…
So I dunno, man. There's… just no easy answers here.
no subject
He took a deep breath, just trying to get back into his head and move forward. He felt raw and weak, and it was hard even thinking about getting up off the ground again. But, he knew he probably should. So, with great effort, he decided to push himself up off the stones and try to at least get back to the bench.
It took what looked like way more effort than should be needed, but he did get back to his feet. He rubbed his arms, looking off to the side.]
Sorry. [His voice was quiet.] Sorry for making you worry.
no subject
You don't have anything to be sorry for, man. I… [He rubs at the back of his neck.] I didn't to help you before it got to that point, and I should've. I… I'm sorry, Keith. I'm the one who's been through this over and over and could've stepped in, but… I didn't. I dunno how to explain why, but it doesn't matter. I didn't… protect you from this and I'm- I'm so sorry.
[His voice becomes unsteady as he talks, his eyes wet. There's part of him that wonders if it's fair of him to say all that at all given how responsible Keith feels. And another part that insists it's wholly inadequate. He's inadequate.]
no subject
It's not on you to protect me all the time. I need to be able to figure out how to deal with this stuff on my own. I don't want to be a burden to anyone.
[He kept his arms wrapped around himself until he was back on the bench. Then, he leaned forward a bit, bracing his hands on the edge. He couldn't quite look up, yet...]
You don't need to be sorry, either, okay? This wasn't your fault.