deercountry | [ open - July Catch-All ]

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[ open - July Catch-All ]

Who: Keith, OPEN
What: Being evil, falling in love, worsening corruption, contemplating suicide, getting killed, waking up, facing judgement, feeling lonely... just another day in Trench
When: All through July, specific dates for prompts will be in headers
Where: Various places around Trench

Content Warnings: Death and suicide are the big ones. Feelings of abandonment and self-loathing. Probably all kinds of violence and stuff. Others will be added per thread.

Links to threads will be added as they're made
July 1 - 9: General havoc around town. Violence, crime, anger, growing beasthood, influenced by The Evil
July 10: Death, closed to Lance, Sasuke, possibly Sakura, any other CR who might be involved with finding bodies and helping squids break out of crystal
July 11 - 17: Recovery, TBD (likely closed to close CR, Plot with me?, recovery and squid-time will be in Sasuke's pond...)
Rest of the month: TBD (Plot with me?)

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[O-oh. The image of the sword sticking out of Keith's chest assault's his mind and threatens to set him off. But he's been in this position so many times before, he's able to feel Keith alive next to him under his hand. And he knows he's stuck in the middle of some kind of hallucination and the only thing Lance can think to do is to pull him into his arms.]

K-Keith, there's no sword. [His voice is hoarse and unsteady and he wraps his arms around his back tight, trying to ground him physically and break his line of sight with what he's seeing.] You're okay now, see?

[On that last question, he moves his hand to take Keith's and place it flat against his own body between them to feel that it's whole. No giant sword poking through, no coldblood m-melting all over the beach.]

[Keith was shaking in Lance's hold, gasping for air.]

It's... It's there... it's... I can't... L-Lance...? [Oh... oh, he was going to get hurt. He was going to be killed, too. Keith tried to push Lance away, but his efforts were weak.] You're... you're in danger... you have to get away...

[Okay, this wasn't working as well as he hoped. Though he has experience with this sort of thing, he has less experience helping someone with this sort of thing. And everyone needs something different. He pulls away from Keith just enough to look in his face and pull his hands up to gently cup his face.]

Keith. [His voice cracks and shakes, but he pushes through. Ignores his own flashes, he's been here before, he can handle it, he's fine. Keith isn't.] Focus, look up… do you trust me?

[Keith gripped Lance's wrists, moving almost to pull his hands away and push Lance out of danger.]

A-... I... Of course... But you have to trust me. You have to get away. You're in danger if you help me.

[He was rushing, talking fast, with a sense of urgency. They couldn't delay or she was going to come for them all over again.]

[Without thinking, he brushes his thumb across Keith's cheekbone as he shakes his head. Then he lets out a bit of a shuddering shush sound to try and get Keith to relax.]

Keith, just slow down and listen. You're safe. All of that already happened. We're in Sasuke's courtyard, remember?

But, but... it's... it's gonna happen... [Lance's words were kind of sinking in a bit, causing Keith to lose some of his steam on this. Mention of the courtyard caused the stones and walls around them to start coming back into focus in his vision.]

We're... we're... the courtyard...? [The tight grip he had on Lance's wrists began to weaken. He squeezed his eyes shut again, clenching his teeth as he tried to focus on something, anything...] The courtyard... we were... we were in the pond?

[Lance nods and continues to hold Keith's face in his hands, but moves himself a bit to the side so he can see more of the courtyard and the pond. His hands are trembling more as he loosens his grip a bit now that Keith seems to be coming out of the flashback.]

Yeah, we were squids. We came back and we're fine.

[Physically anyway. His heart feels like it's going to tear in two after seeing Keith go through a traumatic flash like that. He'd wanted to protect him from this now that he got a reset… it feels cruel that the only positive he saw in him losing his memories is already slipping away. But maybe he can still help. He lets out a shuddered breath and leans in to hug Keith again, weaving his arms under Keith's to loosely wrap around his waist.]

I'm… I'm sorry. That it happened.

[His voice is hoarse and shaky. When he was stalking Keith for whatever reason, he should have seen what was happening and stopped him and then the Reckoning wouldn't have… he heaves a shuddered breath. At the time, his warped mind had thought Keith was killing and hurting people who deserved it because they tried to take Keith from him. It was so messed up, he should've fought through the haze in his head better and been there for him.]

[Keith wasn't even sure what 'fine' meant in this place. Sure, they were alive. They're injuries healed. He had two new scars to show for it on his torso, one front and one back, where the sword had run him through, but he was alive... right? That meant something. Maybe.

Squids. He remembered waking up on the stones, naked, a little clammy, wet from the water. There had been jumping. Lots of it.

He tensed slightly as Lance shifted to hug him. It was nothing more than his usual reaction to an unexpected hug, freezing up on the spot for a second or two before finally relaxing and letting his arms slowly settle around Lance's shoulders in return.]

I'm... sorry, too...

[Because, as his head worked its way back out of that flashback, he was remembering that Lance was in this courtyard, too, and that they had been squids together. Lance had said, "We..." and that left a frustrated ache in Keith's chest somewhere.

Lance had died because Keith couldn't control himself and get out of being possessed. Lance had been a squid, too, and it was Keith's fault.

He rested his forehead against Lance's shoulder.]

[Lance heaves a breath when Keith apologizes but he doesn't say anything right away, shaking his head. In his view, Keith has nothing to apologize for, but he knows he's not going to convince him of that, especially not right now. Though, at the same time it doesn't sit well with him to just let him blame himself silently.]

I got myself involved, that's not on you.

[At the very least he can solidly argue that Keith isn't responsible for Lance getting killed too. The rest, like the people he was hurting and whether or not The Reckoning gave him what he deserved… was more complicated. Lance firmly stood in the camp of 'Keith didn't deserve any of it' but he also knew that it was gonna be harder to get Keith on that page too… maybe even impossible.]

…And I'd do it again.

[He would. There is no reality where he doesn't step in to try and protect Keith no matter how insurmountable the threat.]

.....

[Keith didn't answer right away. He knew it had sort of been Lance's choice to get involved. But, he wouldn't have had to made that choice if Keith had just been better at resisting.

He closed his eyes, feeling like all the energy in his body was just draining into the ground.]

What if... I didn't want you to? What if I wanted you to be safe?

[It's a fair question, because Lance would want the same if their positions were reversed. It's part of why there's so many things he has kept to himself for so many years. From Keith and from Shiro.]

…Standing by and watching you die would hurt me more. [He says with a roughness to his voice and a note of conflict and… guilt. He sucks in a shuddered breath, wetness pricking at the corners of his eyes.] But I would've wanted you to be safe too…

So I dunno, man. There's… just no easy answers here.

[Keith nodded. Yeah. That much was obvious at this point.

He took a deep breath, just trying to get back into his head and move forward. He felt raw and weak, and it was hard even thinking about getting up off the ground again. But, he knew he probably should. So, with great effort, he decided to push himself up off the stones and try to at least get back to the bench.

It took what looked like way more effort than should be needed, but he did get back to his feet. He rubbed his arms, looking off to the side.]

Sorry. [His voice was quiet.] Sorry for making you worry.

[Lance's brows draw together as he watches Keith drag himself up to his feet and then follows his lead. He's braced to help him if he needs it getting back to the bench. And the apology… isn't what he expected, but he honestly isn't surprised either. Immediately, he's shaking his head.]

You don't have anything to be sorry for, man. I… [He rubs at the back of his neck.] I didn't to help you before it got to that point, and I should've. I… I'm sorry, Keith. I'm the one who's been through this over and over and could've stepped in, but… I didn't. I dunno how to explain why, but it doesn't matter. I didn't… protect you from this and I'm- I'm so sorry.

[His voice becomes unsteady as he talks, his eyes wet. There's part of him that wonders if it's fair of him to say all that at all given how responsible Keith feels. And another part that insists it's wholly inadequate. He's inadequate.]

[Keith shook his head a little, still looking down and away.]

It's not on you to protect me all the time. I need to be able to figure out how to deal with this stuff on my own. I don't want to be a burden to anyone.

[He kept his arms wrapped around himself until he was back on the bench. Then, he leaned forward a bit, bracing his hands on the edge. He couldn't quite look up, yet...]

You don't need to be sorry, either, okay? This wasn't your fault.

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[ open - July Catch-All ]

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