[When Paul cleans up the apples and the apple pie, he thinks that must be the end of it. The magic in their firm, sweet flesh is safely scoured away, dissolved into nothing inside the furnace of the self and the fermentation of the outdoor compost. It's done, as much as anything is ever done in Trench, and what is there to do except grit his teeth and bear it?
He can seek out the source of the music drifting through the warm afternoon glow of the day, lingering in the doorway only for a while before he comes to sit at the piano bench next to his angel, hands folded in his lap as he closes his eyes to listen. Sometimes it's all he needs to settle; this time is nearly one of them.
Paul tips his head to the side, dark curls against silvered fluff, and he is so tired of being wrong.
The memory unfolds into the unbearable magnification of agony that Paul watches helplessly from a remove, observing his self scattered like superheated stellar remnants, and that is horror enough to know that Kaworu bears abstracted witness to, he who has known so much unbearable agony of his own.
What follows this time is another kind of horror, of quiet words in fog, and he shivers, freezing, in the lancing beam of sunlight that falls through a clear window, eyelashes dampened with remembered salt.]
[Memories take up time but they don't flow in with time. They are both longer and shorter than the events depicted. Kaworu's hands stall at the piano, for a measure, for two, for nearly three, as the memories flood before he resumes the song. It's not right. The force on the key isn't enough on the first two, it's too much on the next. The first notes plunk into the air, like something dropping into a pool, the next is overly loud, tinny and unpleasant to the ear.
He tries to recover but the song has shifted despite himself and there's no saving it. A D minor chord rings out and he pulls back long, thin, and slightly shaking fingers from the keys, twisting them before dropping them into his lap. A sliver head inclines, mixing with dark curls.]
[The dissonant notes hang suspended well past when they should fall, echoing inside the inverted shelter of his skull.]
I didn't mean to show you.
[His voice is one of them, torn and rewoven into a trembling thing, as if he had been screaming aloud. Blindly, his hand searches out Kaworu's, still whole, barely sketched with tiny scars, to wind their fingers tight. He turns his face into the slighter boy's hair, breathing in the sea.]
It's not your fault. It's all right. [He tells him, muffled and thinned.] It's all right.
[There was a small part of Kaworu that feared Paul would be angry at him, even though he knows Paul and Paul knows this place as he does. If people are angry that means they might leave and he doesn't want to be left.
He steadies Paul where he can and melts into him in the places that he can't, squeezing their entwined fingers together like a promise. A part of him that has grown larger and stronger in the Trench tells him that he should be quiet and offer this simple comfort, but he can't help himself. Something that he saw... and the desire to understand it eclipses everything else, even fear.]
It's... hard to made for something. For someone's plans.
[The noise Paul makes into Kaworu's hair is not a laugh or a sob. It's a crumpled throb in the back of his throat, easier felt than heard, and Paul leans against Kaworu like a reed presses to a bank in the wind.]
I should have told you.
[There were a thousand other things to say, but that's what he spills from his mouth, holding too tightly to his hand and still shivering, frantic for the warmth of him closer.]
[Kaworu steadies himself and takes on Paul's weight. It's not too much, he thinks, and he knows Paul has carried all of him on a dark beach (or he tried to). He feels the rumble of noise in Paul's throat and the tremble of his body and presses against him, trying to be firm where Paul wobbles.
But he's a curious creature by nature and curiosity is what has driven him so much of the time. Squeezing one of Paul's hands, he raises the other to card it through dark curls and then to cup a soft but carved cheek.]
[Paul treats Kaworu like spun glass, ethereal and delicate, because everything he cares for has shattered (will shatter) in his hands. He doesn't know how to hold anything except to take it apart.
Sometimes Kaworu reminds him that there's a star burning in his chest, a strength of self that can push others away when they come close - or bear them up when they falter.
He lets himself go.]
I always am. [He murmurs.] I wasn't before. I knew - I thought I knew who I was. What I was.
[There is a sea cave whose mouth is only visible at the lowest of tides, opening into a shallow scoop of unremarkable grey stone with a lip of flat rock above the surface of the flooding ses. Along a rim of cave wall are set a number of silver wrought bands studded with gleaming Paleblood gems, secured in place with anchors sunken into the walls.
This is not the place Paul does his work. The stones are empty of anything but pale light, pure and unblemished.
To reach the cave behind this one, you have to plunge deep into the dark water, deep enough that it takes a practiced deep diver or someone otherwise able to do without breath for long time - long enough to make your way up through a slanting tunnel that branches into lightless, airless ends along all routes but one.
If the explorer finds their way back to the stale air of a cavern, they will find themselves in perfect darkness. When lit, there is another rising slope yet, and fixed to the wall on one side is a simple sheet of etched metal that will warn them, above a pictograph of a skull, a crossed out path, and a body laid flat and still:
THERE IS NOTHING OF VALUE HERE
DEATH IS PAST THIS POINT
RETURN THE WAY YOU CAME
If they yet persist, the rest of the way is easy. The tunnel opens comfortably into one wide and tall enough for human passage, empty and silent. No paths curve away before the intruder will find an ancient, rotting door secured with a padlock and a trap set to launch at its disturbance, a puff of a dart laced with traces of the egg residue that returns a Sleeper to their dream form of tentacles and oblivion.
The room past it is almost shocking in its mundanity. There are stacks of small chests, some of which jave been arranged as a makeshift desk for a person who might sit on the woven mat on the floor. A lunar orb shines brightly in a setting upon the bare black stone floor, filling it with light. Notebooks are the only obvious clutter, weathered and filled with notes in a cipher that resists but does not defeat breaking. They list, factually, a series of experiments, all plausible and well-documented in words and sketch, upon the Beasts of this world. In dry, formal language, they recount tests of endurance in the face of great torments, some of which claim their lives.
It does not matter what they say. None of them ever happened, and he has alibis for all the worst of his fictions. He would never trust anything as important as his work to paper in a room that has no guards, cobbled together of only what he can scrape out of this barbaric world.
The things that are true throb like bloody hearts in those closed, unlocked chests, a miasma of corruption that paints the air in the sweet, unholy taint of Beastblood, each marked only by his memory for their providence.
For all of this, Paul knows one thing: there is nothing safe in this place. There is no trust that someone will not violate, no warning someone will not heed. It is not a matter of if, only of when.
This is why, dripping and calm, Paul does not flinch when he swings open the door to find an uninvited guest sitting placidly in wait. He nods to them, unshouldering his watertight bag and crouching next to one of the chests to produce a towel, with which he starts to dry his hair.
There are worse people it could be.]
Hello, Chara. [He says, politely.] I wasn't expecting company. You've made yourself comfortable?
[Chara's curiosity is not motivated by anything more than just that. Curiosity. And perhaps, a smidge of DETERMINATION. They will push every boundary, cross every line, break every single rule and principle of the world around them and their own personal moral codes, all to ask a question. Can they?
And just because they can, they have to. It's what Sans said to them, when they were killing each-other over and over again.
This abhorrent science experiment might have triggered some feeling of disgust, or even fear, years ago, when they still had a heart. When they were still alive. When they'd read stories about dragons and demons and knights and princesses and watch the monsters be killed for simply existing, and the knights get a happy ending like he is not also a predator dressed in shining armor.
Now? Now, all it triggers is interest. They think it's good that Paul is making these steps into the murky waters of leadership. They won't be the one to discourage it.
So, could there be worse people? Well. It's debatable, depending on who it's worse for.]
I have, thank you. [Their tone is similarly polite, similarly casual, like they walked in on Paul getting himself a bag of chips rather than discovering this deeply twisted secret. They stand up from their position, stretching their arms.] It's all very interesting.
[With almost anyone else, Paul might be anything from angry to disappointed to ashamed, depending on the circumstances. With Chara, there is, despite himself, a small flicker of respect.]
So you've looked around.
[He hangs the towel from a protruding bit of rock, staying crouched on his heels even as Chara rises. He knowz how seriously the child takes him as a threat, which is barely at all, but it's a matter of courtesy to keep himself in a slightly subordinate position.
He is the one with more to answer for here, of the two of them.]
It's certainly controversial. No doubt if the sanctuary dedicated to saving beasts found out about all of this, they'd probably be... concerned.
[It almost sounds like a threat in their voice, but in practice it's a frank assessment. This is something that needs to be covered up for a lot of reasons, including that Paul's abilities are much too powerful to be left alone. It's for similar reasons Chara holds the extent of their own powers close to their chest.
Command over beasts... They approach his notes, looking over them even now like they don't expect Paul will strike them down. Mostly because it would be a deeply stupid move to do so.]
[The reference to the Sanctuary brings the first troubled look out of Paul, his brows drawing together and mouth thinning at the name of the place where Palamedes and Viktor focus the majority of their research efforts. He's kept an eye on it, as he keeps an eye on most of the things that go on in Trench, but he hasn't approached the Sanctuary proper yet, despite the overlap.
Chara can see why, now. He watches them scan his notes with his arms draped loosely over his knees, debating whether to reveal their falsehood now, or to see what Chara makes of them first.
Curiosity wins out. (That's part of his problem.)]
It's an exploration of a different approach to the same idea. [A mild explanation, given what's described in those notes.] Not every Beast reacts the same way to set stimuli.
As for further...I'm working towards it, but I'd like to know - what do you mean by that?
early june | gaze: bone house | gideon nav and kaworu nagisa
[There is no particular thing that makes up Paul's mind. No grand event or pivotal moment he can point to. They've had them: in old dreams, in bloody surf, in sunken tunnels, in a house haunted by possibility, and more besides. But something that he's learned, that they've helped him understand, is that those aren't the only things that matter.
It's Gideon fondly bumping her shoulder to his as she passes him in the kitchen. It's Kaworu tucking himself against his side to watch the rain through a window. It's sharing the countless warmly mundane things that make up caring for another person, day after day. It's realizing a decision he's already made.
There's no great hall in the house that he can call them to join him in, so he settles for the living room. He makes an effort to evoke ceremony, pushing aside furniture to clear a space in the room's center, lighting salt-spruce candles on a side table, and (with minutes to spare before the time he sent them to join him) putting down towels underneath Shinji-kun, who is inexplicably wet for reasons Paul strives not to think about.
There is something I'd like to ask you, he sent to them, along with the time and place, A good thing.
The sun is beginning to slip below the horizon at the appointed hour. Paul is waiting for them dressed plainly in black, silver winged pins at his collar and hands folded behind his back as he stands waiting faced toward the doorway. He smiles at them when they appear in the threshold, light as sea foam.]
[It's good that Paul clarified that it was a good thing. There's a part of Kaworu that's more skittish than he'd like to admit. One that fears pain and rejection, just like all the humans he sees that do. Paul had seen that part of him, during their conversation in his tent at a time that feels like so long ago.
So when he approaches and sees Paul, dressed in a collared shirt all in black, he, only dressed in a white t-shirt and black pants that could be sweat pants, turns his face to shyly lean against Gideon's bicep, in a way that's somehow flirtatious and innocent at the same time.]
[ Gideon, on the other hand, isn't especially nervous. Paul is one of the most high-strung people she's ever met. If he says it's a good thing, she trusts that everything is fine.
The pins and candles take Gideon a bit off-guard, though. Gideon has always assumed that candles are for weird cult shit, although she can recognize that she probably thinks that because she grew up on the weird cult shit planet. Just like Kaworu, Gideon is not at all dressed for the occasion, sporting her usual black tank top and sweatpants. She'll flex a little, when Kaworu leans into her, in order to better facilitate the bit. ]
What's up? You're all fancy. [ Gideon shoots a glance at Shinji-kun and his towels. ] You even gave Shinji-kun a little seat.
[Looking at the two of them in the doorway, sweatpants and all, Kaworu shyly pressed to Gideon's strong, bare arm, Paul can hardly breathe around a bloom of affection. He swallows around it with a new, broader tilt to his smile, unfolding his hands and waving them in.]
He gave himself a little bath. I think. So - [a slightly exasperated glance at the lizard aside] - hey.
[There are all kinds of rules for this occasion. Paul knows them by heart, and discarded almost all of them. His signet ring (not his father's; his) shines on his hand, proof that he's permitted to do so.]
I said I had something to ask you. I do. There are just a few things I want to tell you first, before I ask. Would you come stand with me?
[Wow. This really is a puzzle. Kaworu squints at said lizard, both curious and a little impressed! Wow, Shinji-kun, you're really growing and becoming your own reptile!
Still, Kaworu smiles and goes over to stand by Paul, knowing that Gideon will follow and take her own place there with them. He stations himself at Paul's right, hands in his pockets, with posture unfit for any real ceremony but entirely his own.]
[ Gideon has complete faith in this lizard. She and Kaworu raised him, after all, and they're excellent parents.
As expected, Gideon follows, taking the spot on Paul's left. She's always been notoriously shitty at ceremony, ever since she was small, although this one already feels easier. There's no rattling of bones or beads, for starters, and all the participants are under eighty. ]
Mmkay. Is there a reason you're telling us with candles? [ Gideon takes a moment to think about the situation, and comes up with: ] It's not any of our birthdays.
[The bodies in the mortuary are grey-clad, their faces shattered inward in nightmarish obliteration, and the eyes that alight on them are blurred with slow, heavy tears. They do not cease as the bodies are gathered (such terrible weight) and conveyed gently to be lain out at the very much animate Lady Pent's direction, arrayed with careful hands to preserve what dignity can be given to them.
It is as if he is there, down to the slightest detail of the senses, and yet he cannot alter its course, trapped in the unfolding of the memory like a nightmare. It proceeds as it did in unlife, and from the instant that Ortus hears purposeful footsteps paired to the soft whir of spinning wheels, he wonders in desperate pointlessness which he would spare the young Warden if he only could - the witnessing of one's body so defiled, or the delicate Duchess of Rhodes in attendance upon it.
There is scant tenderness in death, and no solace, and yet she makes a reverence of the brute art of a flesh magician, her skeletal fingers assured and adoring wherever they touch upon the hollow shells of the Sixth.
He had not realized how often his eyes had slid back to her as they debated their next steps in a horror of perplexity, or how often hers drifted towards the living dead in state on a rubberized tarp, until the unsettled conclusion of their futile planning, until Ortus once more joined the other cavaliers in gathering up the compact body of their fallen fellow. They set her back on the table they first bore her from, and Ortus folds her hands on her chest, feathers out her dark, short-shorn hair as gently as he could.
Then there is only the return to collect the young Warden, and the woeful little sigh that heralds a finality that he could hardly bear then, can still hardly bear now.
"Oh, goodbye!" She calls out, in her sweet, breathy voice, leavened with the impossible grief of the dead for the living. "Goodbye, Palamedes, my first strand - goodbye, Camilla, my second...One cord was overpowered, two cords could defend themselves, but three were not broken by the living or the dead."
The world resolves back into the shadowed interior of his tiny shed, where he still sits across from the young Warden Palamedes Sextus, much-loved and much-mourned, his face whole and entire.
This is far from an auspicious beginning to their literary discussion, he thinks, in absurd and awful shock, his own face slack with dismay. He does not know what to say, and he does not know how to say it.]
[A strange thing, to look at himself lying dead on a slab. To look, even, through another pair of eyes, present and outside himself at once, manifold grief for a thing that has never happened. Palamedes looks through Ortus' blur of tears at his own ruined skull, the eerie stillness of his own corpse, the incredibly obvious and suspect cleanliness of the rest of him that surely someone else will bring up?— and he thinks, Oh, someone should tell him.
Camilla is harder to look at, despite the fiction of it; Palamedes wishes he could turn Ortus' gaze himself, but that isn't how these things go, he knows. He thinks of Camilla's face whole and hale and entire, and he feels a small mercy that Ortus' tears cannot possibly merge and mix with more of his own.
But Dulcinea Septimus he would know anywhere. With bone-deep certainty he knows her, without the aid of Ortus' recognition. The Empire and everything in it could experience a much deserved awful heat death and the soul of Palamedes Sextus would know that of Dulcinea Septimus without needing to be told.
(He knows this with extra certainty, because of the way Cytherea had not been her, the way Cytherea's presence had confused and tormented him for weeks on end, a question to which he could not find a satisfying answer. He can see the way Dulcinea's delicate fingers touch the un-corpses of himself and Camilla with the exact amount of affection Cytherea had lacked in her carelessness.
He does not need to be told.)
Strange, then, to watch the Lady Septimus touch the bodies that are not theirs, to hear her bid farewell and to know again without being told that she is not a figment, like the corpses on the wheeled slabs. Strange to hear her voice in echo through memory and death and to gain a measure of peace from it, as if she had been there properly to bid them farewell.
Palamedes knows it is coincidence, the miraculous odds that Dulcinea's soul would be spun up in this, this thing, and that Ortus would have been there (Harrow, he assumes, because who else), and that he and Ortus would have both been here, brought together at the time the magic of this world bends to make this single moment possible. It's a coincidence by every stretch of the imagination, but Palamedes chooses sentiment; chooses instead to take Dulcinea's words to the bodies that are not his nor Camilla's and take them for himself, to wrap them up in delicate cloth like fragile mementos and put them away somewhere private, in case he ever needs the reminder.
And then he is back in Ortus' drafty little shack, blinking back the faintest inkling of a tear, and then he smiles.]
You know, that's precisely how she sounded in all of her letters, give or take a little mourning. [The drama of it all... He wonders if she figured out the obvious problem, and simply leaned into the dramatics anyway.
He doubts he'll ever know, but to know even this much looses a knot in his chest that's sat there since Cytherea told him she hardly suffered.]
Was she alright, do you think? And I saw Abigail, would you say— as much as anyone could be alright after death, you know— ah, wait.
[Wait, right:] You know, that isn't what happened to me. Or Cam. Cam is fine, actually, if otherwise occupied in the sea.
[There is a method of communication Ortus has learned of since he came here, in his readings about those who take to the sea. It is called a message in a bottle, a missive enclosed in stoppered glass and tossed into the waves, so their currents may carry it where they will. It is an act of desperate hope, a reaching out across space and time with no certainty that the message will ever be received, or when, or into whose hands it may fall.
He had drawn parallels with the haunted fragments his Lady had received in her Canaan House. He had never imagined he would become a bottle himself, the vessel of dead woman's final farewell. He looks at the young man who has received those impossible words, and Ortus thinks that he has rarely known such a privilege of service.]
She was vital and unburdened in death. Fiercely kind, and extraordinarily brave. She knew those were but your echoes, though it grieved her still to be so parted from you both. [His sorrow alters, transmuted to gentleness in his eulogizing.] We did not know what had befallen those not with us.
But we were well, so much as ghosts may be. Lady Pent, Seneschal Quinn, Duchess Septimus, Sir Ebdoma, Lieutenant Dyas, and myself. The Fourth, Lady Pent sent on to the River, to spare them the danger we faced. The Master Templar Octakiseron passed from that place of his own will.
I am eased to know that fate was not a true one, for you or your cavalier. She never believed that it could have been so. She spoke highly of you.
[He pauses, adjusting himself to sit straighter, near-black eyes slanted away for a passing moment of courtesy. There is more to this tale, and he is honorbound to tell it, so he does, in plain, measured calm.]
What you witnessed was a construct. One Lady Harrowhark sunk into the River, anchored to her own mind, and gathered the dead of Canaan House to in order to assist her in a great effort. We faced a haunting there, from a terrible enemy, and the Duchess Septimus was with us when that enemy fell. We all returned to the River, and whatever may lie beyond it, if Lady Pent was right - and I would not doubt her word.
[It's a lot to take in, and while Palamedes gets his elbows on the table and leans his chin in his hand, he takes in the most important notes of information. All of them well - such as ghosts may be, and he wonders if he should illuminate particular details about other ghosts; perhaps in a moment - and a bubble in the River, excellent job Harrow!, and it feels... strange, to hear. Comforting, but distantly, as if learning about the people he just saw with Ortus' own eyes through a fog.
It makes some degree of sense, he supposes, if he remembers where he himself was at the time; he chooses not to dwell on the months spent staring at the same peeling Canaan House wallpaper while things moved on in the world without him. The same way he chooses not to dwell on how this town marched steadily onward while he laid stupid and invertebrate in the sea for over a month. There's an anchoring point in all of them being well in Harrow's construct, and beyond, that centers him away from that persistent creep of isolation.
So! He clears his throat and whaps his other hand down on the table, as if to pop himself back into the conversation proper. Ahem! Well!]
Harrow made a bubble! I knew I should have written the papers on the theory sooner; hindsight. She gets it from me.
[xoxo Harrow, who is surely sneezing momentously right now from all of these very true words about who is the best necromancer of a generation, right here.]
I know it wasn't your choice, so you have my sincerest apologies that this place shoved all of that at me so suddenly, but— thank you, anyway. I'd never have known any of that otherwise; what happened to all of you.
[But not Deuteros, he notes idly, and takes a kind of grim satisfaction in that; they may not have been the best of pals, but to add another name to the list of people Canaan House couldn't claim is a point of victory, no matter how late.
He glances down, considering the tabletop rather than stare at Ortus and wonder if more memories will fall out between them. He wants, selfishly, a full account of the entire battle, so that he might nod along and interject with all of the appropriate dramatic responses, and he wants to remember Dulcinea's face without his and Camilla's own shattered beyond recognition beside her, but— hmm.]
If it should ease your mind at all, Camilla survived completely. Now, indulge me for a minute, because I'm- [don't say 'dying to know'] -curious about the nature of these flashes. Specifically, if a necromancer happened to have enough experience with Sixth psychometry, could they influence trace amounts of thanergy to produce a particular flash of choice?
[He picks his head up off his hand, extending that hand to Ortus like one might offer an arm wrestle, except with necromagic.]
I'm asking you to do something potentially upsetting and I'm off topic, so feel free to course correct me back to literature. But what do you say?
[The intellectual interest Palamedes shows in relation to the bubble combined with that particular necromantic briskness to assert his own competency in the work wrests an small, surprised smile from Ortus, if only for a moment. He clears his throat like one shaking bone dust from their robes, his hand coming up to politely cover it, and he finds that the expression lingers wonder than he expects, softening in the relief of knowing that Camilla Hect survived.
He has known too many brave young dead. Even if this one is a stranger to him, it does not change his sentiment.]
It does ease my mind. [But he notes the omission of the Warden, the specificity of completely; perhaps Palamedes will observe Ortus' observation in turn.] As it eases it to know that I have been able to assist in your understanding, Warden. The others spoke at length about the unusual nature of our circumstances, in terms of the necromantic theorems at work. Perhaps you may discuss them with my Lady.
[Translated from the circumnavigating reticence of the Ninth, what Ortus means might best be expressed as: it would be good for Harrow and Palamedes to talk about what happened, necromancer to necromancer, and perhaps friend to friend. That, perhaps further than that, he is set at greater ease to know that there is one less terrible, grief-wracked secret in the world that lies between people like the uneasy dead themselves.
This articulated, he extends his hand back towards Palamedes, soft fingers half-curled inward with only traces of his usual timidness.]
And I would say, in answer to your question, that I have no doubt of the prowess of a Sixth House Warden in their discipline.
Paul Atreides
early june | gaze: bone house | kaworu nagisa
[When Paul cleans up the apples and the apple pie, he thinks that must be the end of it. The magic in their firm, sweet flesh is safely scoured away, dissolved into nothing inside the furnace of the self and the fermentation of the outdoor compost. It's done, as much as anything is ever done in Trench, and what is there to do except grit his teeth and bear it?
He can seek out the source of the music drifting through the warm afternoon glow of the day, lingering in the doorway only for a while before he comes to sit at the piano bench next to his angel, hands folded in his lap as he closes his eyes to listen. Sometimes it's all he needs to settle; this time is nearly one of them.
Paul tips his head to the side, dark curls against silvered fluff, and he is so tired of being wrong.
The memory unfolds into the unbearable magnification of agony that Paul watches helplessly from a remove, observing his self scattered like superheated stellar remnants, and that is horror enough to know that Kaworu bears abstracted witness to, he who has known so much unbearable agony of his own.
What follows this time is another kind of horror, of quiet words in fog, and he shivers, freezing, in the lancing beam of sunlight that falls through a clear window, eyelashes dampened with remembered salt.]
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He tries to recover but the song has shifted despite himself and there's no saving it. A D minor chord rings out and he pulls back long, thin, and slightly shaking fingers from the keys, twisting them before dropping them into his lap. A sliver head inclines, mixing with dark curls.]
I didn't mean to see.
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I didn't mean to show you.
[His voice is one of them, torn and rewoven into a trembling thing, as if he had been screaming aloud. Blindly, his hand searches out Kaworu's, still whole, barely sketched with tiny scars, to wind their fingers tight. He turns his face into the slighter boy's hair, breathing in the sea.]
It's not your fault. It's all right. [He tells him, muffled and thinned.] It's all right.
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He steadies Paul where he can and melts into him in the places that he can't, squeezing their entwined fingers together like a promise. A part of him that has grown larger and stronger in the Trench tells him that he should be quiet and offer this simple comfort, but he can't help himself. Something that he saw... and the desire to understand it eclipses everything else, even fear.]
It's... hard to made for something. For someone's plans.
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I should have told you.
[There were a thousand other things to say, but that's what he spills from his mouth, holding too tightly to his hand and still shivering, frantic for the warmth of him closer.]
If there was anyone I should have, it was you.
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But he's a curious creature by nature and curiosity is what has driven him so much of the time. Squeezing one of Paul's hands, he raises the other to card it through dark curls and then to cup a soft but carved cheek.]
Were you afraid?
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Sometimes Kaworu reminds him that there's a star burning in his chest, a strength of self that can push others away when they come close - or bear them up when they falter.
He lets himself go.]
I always am. [He murmurs.] I wasn't before. I knew - I thought I knew who I was. What I was.
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cw: teen handsiness
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cw: medical, surgical, experimentation, implications of self-harm
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early june | the farther shores | chara
[There is a sea cave whose mouth is only visible at the lowest of tides, opening into a shallow scoop of unremarkable grey stone with a lip of flat rock above the surface of the flooding ses. Along a rim of cave wall are set a number of silver wrought bands studded with gleaming Paleblood gems, secured in place with anchors sunken into the walls.
This is not the place Paul does his work. The stones are empty of anything but pale light, pure and unblemished.
To reach the cave behind this one, you have to plunge deep into the dark water, deep enough that it takes a practiced deep diver or someone otherwise able to do without breath for long time - long enough to make your way up through a slanting tunnel that branches into lightless, airless ends along all routes but one.
If the explorer finds their way back to the stale air of a cavern, they will find themselves in perfect darkness. When lit, there is another rising slope yet, and fixed to the wall on one side is a simple sheet of etched metal that will warn them, above a pictograph of a skull, a crossed out path, and a body laid flat and still:
THERE IS NOTHING OF VALUE HERE
DEATH IS PAST THIS POINT
RETURN THE WAY YOU CAME
If they yet persist, the rest of the way is easy. The tunnel opens comfortably into one wide and tall enough for human passage, empty and silent. No paths curve away before the intruder will find an ancient, rotting door secured with a padlock and a trap set to launch at its disturbance, a puff of a dart laced with traces of the egg residue that returns a Sleeper to their dream form of tentacles and oblivion.
The room past it is almost shocking in its mundanity. There are stacks of small chests, some of which jave been arranged as a makeshift desk for a person who might sit on the woven mat on the floor. A lunar orb shines brightly in a setting upon the bare black stone floor, filling it with light. Notebooks are the only obvious clutter, weathered and filled with notes in a cipher that resists but does not defeat breaking. They list, factually, a series of experiments, all plausible and well-documented in words and sketch, upon the Beasts of this world. In dry, formal language, they recount tests of endurance in the face of great torments, some of which claim their lives.
It does not matter what they say. None of them ever happened, and he has alibis for all the worst of his fictions. He would never trust anything as important as his work to paper in a room that has no guards, cobbled together of only what he can scrape out of this barbaric world.
The things that are true throb like bloody hearts in those closed, unlocked chests, a miasma of corruption that paints the air in the sweet, unholy taint of Beastblood, each marked only by his memory for their providence.
For all of this, Paul knows one thing: there is nothing safe in this place. There is no trust that someone will not violate, no warning someone will not heed. It is not a matter of if, only of when.
This is why, dripping and calm, Paul does not flinch when he swings open the door to find an uninvited guest sitting placidly in wait. He nods to them, unshouldering his watertight bag and crouching next to one of the chests to produce a towel, with which he starts to dry his hair.
There are worse people it could be.]
Hello, Chara. [He says, politely.] I wasn't expecting company. You've made yourself comfortable?
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And just because they can, they have to. It's what Sans said to them, when they were killing each-other over and over again.
This abhorrent science experiment might have triggered some feeling of disgust, or even fear, years ago, when they still had a heart. When they were still alive. When they'd read stories about dragons and demons and knights and princesses and watch the monsters be killed for simply existing, and the knights get a happy ending like he is not also a predator dressed in shining armor.
Now? Now, all it triggers is interest. They think it's good that Paul is making these steps into the murky waters of leadership. They won't be the one to discourage it.
So, could there be worse people? Well. It's debatable, depending on who it's worse for.]
I have, thank you. [Their tone is similarly polite, similarly casual, like they walked in on Paul getting himself a bag of chips rather than discovering this deeply twisted secret. They stand up from their position, stretching their arms.] It's all very interesting.
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So you've looked around.
[He hangs the towel from a protruding bit of rock, staying crouched on his heels even as Chara rises. He knowz how seriously the child takes him as a threat, which is barely at all, but it's a matter of courtesy to keep himself in a slightly subordinate position.
He is the one with more to answer for here, of the two of them.]
I imagine you have thoughts.
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[It almost sounds like a threat in their voice, but in practice it's a frank assessment. This is something that needs to be covered up for a lot of reasons, including that Paul's abilities are much too powerful to be left alone. It's for similar reasons Chara holds the extent of their own powers close to their chest.
Command over beasts... They approach his notes, looking over them even now like they don't expect Paul will strike them down. Mostly because it would be a deeply stupid move to do so.]
It's a good idea. You should go further with it.
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Chara can see why, now. He watches them scan his notes with his arms draped loosely over his knees, debating whether to reveal their falsehood now, or to see what Chara makes of them first.
Curiosity wins out. (That's part of his problem.)]
It's an exploration of a different approach to the same idea. [A mild explanation, given what's described in those notes.] Not every Beast reacts the same way to set stimuli.
As for further...I'm working towards it, but I'd like to know - what do you mean by that?
early june | gaze: bone house | gideon nav and kaworu nagisa
It's Gideon fondly bumping her shoulder to his as she passes him in the kitchen. It's Kaworu tucking himself against his side to watch the rain through a window. It's sharing the countless warmly mundane things that make up caring for another person, day after day. It's realizing a decision he's already made.
There's no great hall in the house that he can call them to join him in, so he settles for the living room. He makes an effort to evoke ceremony, pushing aside furniture to clear a space in the room's center, lighting salt-spruce candles on a side table, and (with minutes to spare before the time he sent them to join him) putting down towels underneath Shinji-kun, who is inexplicably wet for reasons Paul strives not to think about.
There is something I'd like to ask you, he sent to them, along with the time and place, A good thing.
The sun is beginning to slip below the horizon at the appointed hour. Paul is waiting for them dressed plainly in black, silver winged pins at his collar and hands folded behind his back as he stands waiting faced toward the doorway. He smiles at them when they appear in the threshold, light as sea foam.]
Hello.
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So when he approaches and sees Paul, dressed in a collared shirt all in black, he, only dressed in a white t-shirt and black pants that could be sweat pants, turns his face to shyly lean against Gideon's bicep, in a way that's somehow flirtatious and innocent at the same time.]
Hey.
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The pins and candles take Gideon a bit off-guard, though. Gideon has always assumed that candles are for weird cult shit, although she can recognize that she probably thinks that because she grew up on the weird cult shit planet. Just like Kaworu, Gideon is not at all dressed for the occasion, sporting her usual black tank top and sweatpants. She'll flex a little, when Kaworu leans into her, in order to better facilitate the bit. ]
What's up? You're all fancy. [ Gideon shoots a glance at Shinji-kun and his towels. ] You even gave Shinji-kun a little seat.
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He gave himself a little bath. I think. So - [a slightly exasperated glance at the lizard aside] - hey.
[There are all kinds of rules for this occasion. Paul knows them by heart, and discarded almost all of them. His signet ring (not his father's; his) shines on his hand, proof that he's permitted to do so.]
I said I had something to ask you. I do. There are just a few things I want to tell you first, before I ask. Would you come stand with me?
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[Wow. This really is a puzzle. Kaworu squints at said lizard, both curious and a little impressed! Wow, Shinji-kun, you're really growing and becoming your own reptile!
Still, Kaworu smiles and goes over to stand by Paul, knowing that Gideon will follow and take her own place there with them. He stations himself at Paul's right, hands in his pockets, with posture unfit for any real ceremony but entirely his own.]
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[ Gideon has complete faith in this lizard. She and Kaworu raised him, after all, and they're excellent parents.
As expected, Gideon follows, taking the spot on Paul's left. She's always been notoriously shitty at ceremony, ever since she was small, although this one already feels easier. There's no rattling of bones or beads, for starters, and all the participants are under eighty. ]
Mmkay. Is there a reason you're telling us with candles? [ Gideon takes a moment to think about the situation, and comes up with: ] It's not any of our birthdays.
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Ortus Nigenad
early june | gaze: heresy hut | palamedes sextus
[The bodies in the mortuary are grey-clad, their faces shattered inward in nightmarish obliteration, and the eyes that alight on them are blurred with slow, heavy tears. They do not cease as the bodies are gathered (such terrible weight) and conveyed gently to be lain out at the very much animate Lady Pent's direction, arrayed with careful hands to preserve what dignity can be given to them.
It is as if he is there, down to the slightest detail of the senses, and yet he cannot alter its course, trapped in the unfolding of the memory like a nightmare. It proceeds as it did in unlife, and from the instant that Ortus hears purposeful footsteps paired to the soft whir of spinning wheels, he wonders in desperate pointlessness which he would spare the young Warden if he only could - the witnessing of one's body so defiled, or the delicate Duchess of Rhodes in attendance upon it.
There is scant tenderness in death, and no solace, and yet she makes a reverence of the brute art of a flesh magician, her skeletal fingers assured and adoring wherever they touch upon the hollow shells of the Sixth.
He had not realized how often his eyes had slid back to her as they debated their next steps in a horror of perplexity, or how often hers drifted towards the living dead in state on a rubberized tarp, until the unsettled conclusion of their futile planning, until Ortus once more joined the other cavaliers in gathering up the compact body of their fallen fellow. They set her back on the table they first bore her from, and Ortus folds her hands on her chest, feathers out her dark, short-shorn hair as gently as he could.
Then there is only the return to collect the young Warden, and the woeful little sigh that heralds a finality that he could hardly bear then, can still hardly bear now.
"Oh, goodbye!" She calls out, in her sweet, breathy voice, leavened with the impossible grief of the dead for the living. "Goodbye, Palamedes, my first strand - goodbye, Camilla, my second...One cord was overpowered, two cords could defend themselves, but three were not broken by the living or the dead."
The world resolves back into the shadowed interior of his tiny shed, where he still sits across from the young Warden Palamedes Sextus, much-loved and much-mourned, his face whole and entire.
This is far from an auspicious beginning to their literary discussion, he thinks, in absurd and awful shock, his own face slack with dismay. He does not know what to say, and he does not know how to say it.]
if this posts twice i'm rioting against dw
Camilla is harder to look at, despite the fiction of it; Palamedes wishes he could turn Ortus' gaze himself, but that isn't how these things go, he knows. He thinks of Camilla's face whole and hale and entire, and he feels a small mercy that Ortus' tears cannot possibly merge and mix with more of his own.
But Dulcinea Septimus he would know anywhere. With bone-deep certainty he knows her, without the aid of Ortus' recognition. The Empire and everything in it could experience a much deserved awful heat death and the soul of Palamedes Sextus would know that of Dulcinea Septimus without needing to be told.
(He knows this with extra certainty, because of the way Cytherea had not been her, the way Cytherea's presence had confused and tormented him for weeks on end, a question to which he could not find a satisfying answer. He can see the way Dulcinea's delicate fingers touch the un-corpses of himself and Camilla with the exact amount of affection Cytherea had lacked in her carelessness.
He does not need to be told.)
Strange, then, to watch the Lady Septimus touch the bodies that are not theirs, to hear her bid farewell and to know again without being told that she is not a figment, like the corpses on the wheeled slabs. Strange to hear her voice in echo through memory and death and to gain a measure of peace from it, as if she had been there properly to bid them farewell.
Palamedes knows it is coincidence, the miraculous odds that Dulcinea's soul would be spun up in this, this thing, and that Ortus would have been there (Harrow, he assumes, because who else), and that he and Ortus would have both been here, brought together at the time the magic of this world bends to make this single moment possible. It's a coincidence by every stretch of the imagination, but Palamedes chooses sentiment; chooses instead to take Dulcinea's words to the bodies that are not his nor Camilla's and take them for himself, to wrap them up in delicate cloth like fragile mementos and put them away somewhere private, in case he ever needs the reminder.
And then he is back in Ortus' drafty little shack, blinking back the faintest inkling of a tear, and then he smiles.]
You know, that's precisely how she sounded in all of her letters, give or take a little mourning. [The drama of it all... He wonders if she figured out the obvious problem, and simply leaned into the dramatics anyway.
He doubts he'll ever know, but to know even this much looses a knot in his chest that's sat there since Cytherea told him she hardly suffered.]
Was she alright, do you think? And I saw Abigail, would you say— as much as anyone could be alright after death, you know— ah, wait.
[Wait, right:] You know, that isn't what happened to me. Or Cam. Cam is fine, actually, if otherwise occupied in the sea.
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He had drawn parallels with the haunted fragments his Lady had received in her Canaan House. He had never imagined he would become a bottle himself, the vessel of dead woman's final farewell. He looks at the young man who has received those impossible words, and Ortus thinks that he has rarely known such a privilege of service.]
She was vital and unburdened in death. Fiercely kind, and extraordinarily brave. She knew those were but your echoes, though it grieved her still to be so parted from you both. [His sorrow alters, transmuted to gentleness in his eulogizing.] We did not know what had befallen those not with us.
But we were well, so much as ghosts may be. Lady Pent, Seneschal Quinn, Duchess Septimus, Sir Ebdoma, Lieutenant Dyas, and myself. The Fourth, Lady Pent sent on to the River, to spare them the danger we faced. The Master Templar Octakiseron passed from that place of his own will.
I am eased to know that fate was not a true one, for you or your cavalier. She never believed that it could have been so. She spoke highly of you.
[He pauses, adjusting himself to sit straighter, near-black eyes slanted away for a passing moment of courtesy. There is more to this tale, and he is honorbound to tell it, so he does, in plain, measured calm.]
What you witnessed was a construct. One Lady Harrowhark sunk into the River, anchored to her own mind, and gathered the dead of Canaan House to in order to assist her in a great effort. We faced a haunting there, from a terrible enemy, and the Duchess Septimus was with us when that enemy fell. We all returned to the River, and whatever may lie beyond it, if Lady Pent was right - and I would not doubt her word.
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It makes some degree of sense, he supposes, if he remembers where he himself was at the time; he chooses not to dwell on the months spent staring at the same peeling Canaan House wallpaper while things moved on in the world without him. The same way he chooses not to dwell on how this town marched steadily onward while he laid stupid and invertebrate in the sea for over a month. There's an anchoring point in all of them being well in Harrow's construct, and beyond, that centers him away from that persistent creep of isolation.
So! He clears his throat and whaps his other hand down on the table, as if to pop himself back into the conversation proper. Ahem! Well!]
Harrow made a bubble! I knew I should have written the papers on the theory sooner; hindsight. She gets it from me.
[xoxo Harrow, who is surely sneezing momentously right now from all of these very true words about who is the best necromancer of a generation, right here.]
I know it wasn't your choice, so you have my sincerest apologies that this place shoved all of that at me so suddenly, but— thank you, anyway. I'd never have known any of that otherwise; what happened to all of you.
[But not Deuteros, he notes idly, and takes a kind of grim satisfaction in that; they may not have been the best of pals, but to add another name to the list of people Canaan House couldn't claim is a point of victory, no matter how late.
He glances down, considering the tabletop rather than stare at Ortus and wonder if more memories will fall out between them. He wants, selfishly, a full account of the entire battle, so that he might nod along and interject with all of the appropriate dramatic responses, and he wants to remember Dulcinea's face without his and Camilla's own shattered beyond recognition beside her, but— hmm.]
If it should ease your mind at all, Camilla survived completely. Now, indulge me for a minute, because I'm- [don't say 'dying to know'] -curious about the nature of these flashes. Specifically, if a necromancer happened to have enough experience with Sixth psychometry, could they influence trace amounts of thanergy to produce a particular flash of choice?
[He picks his head up off his hand, extending that hand to Ortus like one might offer an arm wrestle, except with necromagic.]
I'm asking you to do something potentially upsetting and I'm off topic, so feel free to course correct me back to literature. But what do you say?
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He has known too many brave young dead. Even if this one is a stranger to him, it does not change his sentiment.]
It does ease my mind. [But he notes the omission of the Warden, the specificity of completely; perhaps Palamedes will observe Ortus' observation in turn.] As it eases it to know that I have been able to assist in your understanding, Warden. The others spoke at length about the unusual nature of our circumstances, in terms of the necromantic theorems at work. Perhaps you may discuss them with my Lady.
[Translated from the circumnavigating reticence of the Ninth, what Ortus means might best be expressed as: it would be good for Harrow and Palamedes to talk about what happened, necromancer to necromancer, and perhaps friend to friend. That, perhaps further than that, he is set at greater ease to know that there is one less terrible, grief-wracked secret in the world that lies between people like the uneasy dead themselves.
This articulated, he extends his hand back towards Palamedes, soft fingers half-curled inward with only traces of his usual timidness.]
And I would say, in answer to your question, that I have no doubt of the prowess of a Sixth House Warden in their discipline.