( Something that Peter has slowly been learning over time — and in large part, because of Luna — is that there are different forms of strength. Sometimes running away and not saying anything, and making one's self as numb as possible, can be a strength. Sometimes it's a way to survive. That's really all anyone can do, as they try to live through whatever circumstances are pressing in around them: find ways to survive. The various backgrounds between himself and Maul may be vastly different, but perhaps they have that thing in common, as many people do. They both did what they had to in order to survive.
Peter doesn't see this as some revolutionary moment. He's not standing here like some warrior trying to face Maul down or convince him of something. And there's still much he's not able to say, and some he chooses not to. But to protect Luna.... he's here, he has to say these things, has to try and have a conversation with Maul. He's seen that Maul's trying in the ways he can, seen other sides to the man; he doesn't think he can't be talked to. After all, Peter's gone from his very existence and soul being threatened by him to seemingly being placed under his protection; that's... huge and proves in a sense that Maul can choose to stop targeting people if he wants to. And he's not trying to force Maul to change himself. He just.... wants the active anger against Luna to stop, if he can do anything to help that.
He stands there watching, drawing in shuddering breaths, and then Maul replies to him, and Peter's surprised and relieved and.... listening. He listens to what the man's saying, and his expression doesn't hide more doses of upset along the way. He does feel empathy for Maul, he's genuinely sorry for the kind of life he's had. It's clear that it's been one of battle and bloodshed, one of little warmth and love. He was raised to be a killer; of course he's screwed up in a lot of ways. Who wouldn't be? It sounds horrible, and Peter frowns deeply as he listens.
And then there's that sound, not angry, but.... something else. Something that feels sad. And Peter's heart does ache for him.
It doesn't. And it... it might never outweigh it. ( He ventures, and his voice is still teary and soft. He sniffles wetly, brings the back of his hand up to his face, wiping gently against it for a moment. This may be something Maul always struggles with, and Peter knows how that is, too. And it's... it's really hard to talk about aloud. Especially to someone who does remind him of his mother. No, his mother was not a sociopathic sith lord who ruled planets. But at the root of it.... he does think of her.
And so, to say something like this is... a lot. Peter struggles through it, voice thick. But over time, he's been able to see some of the ways his mother suffered, too. And... as uncomfortable as it is, despite everything she'd done, despite the fact the smell of fire still makes him want to die, he has empathy for her, too. It's complicated. How you can fear a person and yet miss them so terribly. How you can realise the ways a person fucked you up forever, but see that it was because someone fucked them up, first. )
I think when people get broken as much as that.... it's not fair to expect them to function the same way others do. I don't think you should have to be made to change. It's okay if anger's still your... your go-to emotion, you know? It's okay if you don't become someone completely different from who you are. It's just.... finding ways to control it, manage it.... not ways to get rid of it. But finding ways to stop it from hurting others.
( He pauses, swallows again. )
I know it's not easy. And I know it has to be so hard for you, because of what happened to you. Fuck, dude... what happened to you.... it's so much. The fact you're trying at all is a huge deal. ( Peter means that; how far Maul's come isn't something that should be ignored. Despite everything, he can clearly see that, and other people have said as much too.
And even if it's uncomfortable to try and reassure the person who's been the cause of so much torment.... Peter means what he says. It's a softness he wishes his father had shown him through his clinical detachment: he'd utilise his psychology experience to try and help his son, but in distant ways. Never drawing too close. Just once, Peter needed his dad to recognise that the fact he was trying was a big deal. But he hadn't.
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Peter doesn't see this as some revolutionary moment. He's not standing here like some warrior trying to face Maul down or convince him of something. And there's still much he's not able to say, and some he chooses not to. But to protect Luna.... he's here, he has to say these things, has to try and have a conversation with Maul. He's seen that Maul's trying in the ways he can, seen other sides to the man; he doesn't think he can't be talked to. After all, Peter's gone from his very existence and soul being threatened by him to seemingly being placed under his protection; that's... huge and proves in a sense that Maul can choose to stop targeting people if he wants to. And he's not trying to force Maul to change himself. He just.... wants the active anger against Luna to stop, if he can do anything to help that.
He stands there watching, drawing in shuddering breaths, and then Maul replies to him, and Peter's surprised and relieved and.... listening. He listens to what the man's saying, and his expression doesn't hide more doses of upset along the way. He does feel empathy for Maul, he's genuinely sorry for the kind of life he's had. It's clear that it's been one of battle and bloodshed, one of little warmth and love. He was raised to be a killer; of course he's screwed up in a lot of ways. Who wouldn't be? It sounds horrible, and Peter frowns deeply as he listens.
And then there's that sound, not angry, but.... something else. Something that feels sad. And Peter's heart does ache for him.
It doesn't. And it... it might never outweigh it. ( He ventures, and his voice is still teary and soft. He sniffles wetly, brings the back of his hand up to his face, wiping gently against it for a moment. This may be something Maul always struggles with, and Peter knows how that is, too. And it's... it's really hard to talk about aloud. Especially to someone who does remind him of his mother. No, his mother was not a sociopathic sith lord who ruled planets. But at the root of it.... he does think of her.
And so, to say something like this is... a lot. Peter struggles through it, voice thick. But over time, he's been able to see some of the ways his mother suffered, too. And... as uncomfortable as it is, despite everything she'd done, despite the fact the smell of fire still makes him want to die, he has empathy for her, too. It's complicated. How you can fear a person and yet miss them so terribly. How you can realise the ways a person fucked you up forever, but see that it was because someone fucked them up, first. )
I think when people get broken as much as that.... it's not fair to expect them to function the same way others do. I don't think you should have to be made to change. It's okay if anger's still your... your go-to emotion, you know? It's okay if you don't become someone completely different from who you are. It's just.... finding ways to control it, manage it.... not ways to get rid of it. But finding ways to stop it from hurting others.
( He pauses, swallows again. )
I know it's not easy. And I know it has to be so hard for you, because of what happened to you. Fuck, dude... what happened to you.... it's so much. The fact you're trying at all is a huge deal. ( Peter means that; how far Maul's come isn't something that should be ignored. Despite everything, he can clearly see that, and other people have said as much too.
And even if it's uncomfortable to try and reassure the person who's been the cause of so much torment.... Peter means what he says. It's a softness he wishes his father had shown him through his clinical detachment: he'd utilise his psychology experience to try and help his son, but in distant ways. Never drawing too close. Just once, Peter needed his dad to recognise that the fact he was trying was a big deal. But he hadn't.
So now, Peter says it to Maul. )